A Taste Of Love

chapter eighteen

Lexi's POV;

I smiled and touched my lips, watching Ryan walk away. My lips felt tingly, but I liked it. Pushing my door open I stared around, a frown replacing my smile as I saw my draw full of food half open.

I was stupid. So stupid! I couldn't be liking him and going places with him. I needed to leave. He deserved to be with someone like the pretty waitress lady, not me.

I was going to have to be strong. Slowly push him away and then run away. A tear slid down my cheek as I dropped to the floor in front of the closet, another falling as I pulled out a suitcase. Soon more tears fell as I put a few clothes and some food inside. I didn't want it to be to noticeable that I planned to leave, no one could know.

Standing up I dragged the suitcase over to the bed and slid it underneath. I would add more to it later. Climbing into the bed I laid down and cried myself to sleep. Just the thought of leaving Ryan hurt so much. I stifled a sob and cuddled my bear as I slipped into a restless sleep.

***

Grabbing a pair of jeans, a white top and a baggy grey jumper with shoes I walked into the bathroom and locked it behind me. Today would be the first day of pushing Ryan away from me. The voice in my head whimpered. I think that was my wolf, I would have to ask Holly.

I ignored her and walked into the shower, letting the hot water pour over my aching body. Stepping out I quickly dried my body before slipping into my clothes, leaving my hair to air dry. I brushed my teeth before walking out of the bathroom and grabbing my bag and walking downstairs.

"Thank you" I smiled to Ryan's mummy as I took the bag of fruit from her and my lunch; crisps, chocolate, apple juice and a sandwich. Moving over to the counter I sat a few seats away, holding in a whimper as I saw Ryan's face.

I kept my head down as I nibbled on my fruit, ignoring the chatter around the table. I continued to ignore Ryan as we walked out to the car, if I could just do this for the next few days he would hate me and make it easier for me to leave.

Once we reached the school I took Holly's hand before dragging her off to Calculus.

"What's wrong?" Holly whispered as we took our seats at the back of the glass.

"Nothing" I whispered pulling my book and calculator out as the teacher walked in.

I droned out what Holly said next as I let my eyes stare out the window. My thoughts wondered off to Ryan. He looked really pretty today, he had a check shirt which made his eyes shine out. And when he smiled, I always felt the wiggly feeling in my tummy.

I didn't want to do this, but I was being selfish. He deserved better than me but I was holding him back. Once I was gone he could be happy again. I wiped a tear away with the sleeve of my jumper, I couldn't cry. I needed to be strong, something I wasn't.

The next few lessons passed in a blur, the other children stared at me and whispered but never said anything out loud. I wasn't sure why though. Making my way to my locker a sigh escaped my lips, I had Art after lunch time. Which meant a whole hour with Ryan.

Dumping some of my books in the locker I grabbed my lunch and walked outside. If I sat inside I would be with Ryan, I didn't like looking at his sad face. Every time he tried to speak to me I would either run to the bathroom or say bye and walk off. The voice in my head was mad at me, she said wouldn't talk to me unless I stopped ignoring Ryan.

My mind slipped back to last night, I had my first kiss. I felt the wiggly feeling in my tummy and gently placed a hand to my lips. I yelped as I bumped into something and stumbled back,

"Hey watch i- oh sorry." The guy looked at me before running off.

Okay that was weird. Sitting down next to a tree I nibbled on my food as I watched birds and ants in the field. Pulling a piece off of my sandwich I threw it on the grass, smiling as a small blue bird came over and began eating it. Leaning back against the tree I closed my eyes, just listening to all the sounds.

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere"

Snapping my eyes opened I stared at the young girl with bright red hair in front of me.

"Excuse me?" I asked politely sitting up.

"There's a note for you, here" I watched as she looked in her bag before pulling out a white envelope.

"Thanks" I mumbled, she looked at me and the letter before running off.

I was about to open it when the bell rung, I quickly shoved it in my bag and stood up. Throwing my rubbish into the green bin I walked into the school, keeping to the sides as I walked towards Art.

I stared at the blank piece of paper. Everything that meant anything to me was Ryan and his family; including Holly. But I didn't want to draw them, to be reminded of what I had to give up.

Picking up the pencil I let my fingers trail it across the paper, shading and outlining my teddy bear. Picking up the paints I mixed the brown with white, making the color lighter. I stuck my tongue to the side, tilting my head to the side as I began to paint my teddy bear at home.

Picking up my pencil I carefully drew angel wings on the back of my teddy before mixing the grey with white and painting them. Picking up the red paint; mummy's favorite color I painted the words MUM in between the wings, above the teddy's head.

I brushed past Ryan and took my paints, washing the brush and putting the paints back in the cupboard. Washing my hands I dried them on the blue tissue and threw it away before sitting back in my chair.

Sighing I laid my head down on the table, I didn't want to work or move anymore. I wanted to beg on my knees for Ryan's forgiveness. We had such a great time, it was the best day of my life and now I was pushing him away. For once I just wanted to be selfish and keep Ryan to myself.

I always took the hits that dad gave, I never got any food. I always had cold showers. And wore mums old clothes. I never asked for anything, but now I just wanted Ryan to be mine. He was my mate; I still didn't get this whole thing. But he deserved a better mate, I wasn't a good mate. I was weak and stupid. What person thinks a lake is a big puddle...me. I didn't deserve him, he was too good for me.

We still had ten minutes left so I lent down and pulled the note out of my bag. Looking out of the corner of my eye I saw Ryan painting a large white ball with black patches on it on a field. Glancing back to the note I let my hands open the envelope before pulling the note out and unfolding it.

'You might not want to get too comfortable Lexi, you'll be back with me soon darling. There's plenty of house work waiting for you, you'll enjoy it. And also a few beatings.

You will regret the day you ran away from me, I'll make sure of it. It's your fault Daisy died! I will make you pay for what you did. You may be with your precious 'boyfriend' but I'll get you back.

Watch your back Lexi'

My hands shook as I held the paper. He was serious. This wasn't a joke, he was going to kill me. Was he watching me now? No one would be able to protect me. It was better if I left now, that way he wouldn't hurt Ryan. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the wetness on my lap.

This was it. He was going to kill me because mummy died. But it wasn't even my fault. I didn't mean for her to die. Maybe if she was here she would protect me from him. But she wasn't here...because of me.

"Lexi what's wrong?" Ryan gently shook my shoulder trying to get my attention, but I couldn't look away from the paper. How could I?

My dad was threatening to kill me. My daddy didn't love me, otherwise he wouldn't want to hurt me. Daddies were supposed to love their kids but he didn't love me. No one did. But on the bright side I would be back with mummy.

'But you'll be leaving Ryan' I heard my wolf; I think, say.

A sob left my lips at the though of leaving Ryan. At least running away I could come back, but if dad killed me I would never see him again.

"Lexi what's wrong baby?" Ryan whispered as he pulled me into his arms.

Dropping the note on the table I clutched at his shirt, I didn't want to lose him. I finally found someone I care for, I'm finally in a place I feel loved and now he wants to take it away from me.

A growl ripped through out the room, glancing through my blurry eyes I saw Ryan shaking, the note clutched in his hand. He was going to go wolf, and there were humans in this class.

Rubbing my hands up and down his chest I put my head in the crook of his neck. Sniffing in his scent, he always smelled yummy. I gently kissed his collarbone before laying back down.

Ryan soon stopped shaking and grabbed his bag. Grabbing my bag he took my hand before walking out of the classroom. The teacher was in the paint cupboard so she didn't notice.

I stumbled along as Ryan walked really fast out of the class. I bumped into his back as he stopped, quickly turning me around and lifting me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes as he carried us out of the building.

He placed me into the passenger seat before putting my seat belt on and running to the drivers side. My eyes felt heavy as I closed my eyes, Ryan tangling our hands together and rubbing circles into them. The touch of his skin on mine was the last though on my mind before I drifted off to sleep.

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Updated 2nd June 2012 ... yay I uploaded ;p mainly a filler and sorry it's not that good but hey it's something. Enjoy :P