this was super quick and super spontaneous, it happened because i rewatched the scene and i got desperate for this (+blame my playlist for this), not to mention that it's a super big mess
~~~~~
Matteo's breathing suddenly stops. He's not able to take single breath in, neither breathe out. It's like all air in his lungs froze, turned into ice and the weight of it is too much for his legs to stand still.
He needs to lean away from the lockers, he needs to before either Luna or Simón finds out that he was here. That he was here and heard everything they said, every single word, every single sad cry from Luna. He noticed every change of her tone; knowing when she smiled softly or when she frowned sadly and honestly he can't even imagine how much he'd die if he saw her like this.
It hurts as fuck, burns like fire inside him and it's nothing like good warmth inside him. Matteo feels like being burned alive, completely not sure what to do right now. Everything got too real, no matter how much he has tried to focus on other things, to live delusional that he's just reaching for his dreams.
But all he keeps doing is hurting the most important person in his life. He's ruining the most precious feeling he has ever felt and someone has ever felt towards him. He's wrecking it, burning down and he notices it just now. All those times he has thought she would understand, that she would still support him no matter what feel like nothing right now, because only things it caused was his ego growing and breaking her.
It hits him more than everything has ever hit him; neither of her angry words or Gastón's talks ever worked and they should've. They all should've worked and they would have if he only hadn't been so stupid, so blinded by moment of attention, by some compliments from Bruno and it only left a mess, which probably won't be that easy to fix, if it will be any fixable ever.
Luna is crying because of him. Again.
Luna is crying. He made Luna cry. Not for the first time.
He acted like an asshole. Again.
He doesn't deserve any single look from her, he shouldn't ask for any, for any word. He should just pick his ass up and apologize.
Simón is whispering some words to Luna and Matteo just wants her to stop crying, because he's not worth of any of her tears. He wants to run there, around the lockers; it's just lockers between them, yet he made it being like black hole consuming all good they have ever had. He wants to run to her and hug, pull her and hide in his chest hoping that it will calm her down, it will make her feel safe, but he knows it won't.
Because his arms are dangerous for her now.
Before he can screw it any more he leaves locker room quickly, bumping into the wall with his arm, yet never stopping. He crashes into Bruno who smiles widely at him, but Matteo is able only to shake his head few times and pass his manager by, not caring about his shouts behind.
He stops by the stage, sits on its edge and hides face in his hands. Deep breath in. Breathe out. This is too much right now, too much and not enough; it doesn't hurt enough, because Luna was in bigger pain.
He denied her, he acted like it was nothing and she understood. This is ridiculous, how could he ever say that she's not his girlfriend? Now when she probably won't be anymore soon he just wants her to stay, even if he was the one who left. He yelled on her, acted like an asshole, even worse and she has never wanted any bad for him. Matteo almost cries thinking of this, but he will cry later.
"Hey bro, what happened?" Gastón rests his hand on Matteo's shoulder and sits next to him. Italian is only able to shake his head without looking at his best friend. "Come on, it can't be that bad."
Balsano nods and asks instead: "Gastón, do you think I changed? Or I'm acting differently?" He will never admit that he hopes his best friend will deny. Yet Gastón bites on his lower lip and looks away.
"I wouldn't say that you changed. More like you let yourself go around too freely after you got few compliments."
Matteo sighs completely aware that Perida said it gently, so he gives up. "I fucked up with Luna."
"Did you really?" Gastón asks and Matteo is sure he hears sarcasm there. "What happened?"
"I got mad at her," he says, his friend chuckles.
"You got mad at her? What did she do, trashed Bruno or what?" Maybe it was supposed to be a joke, but it stings Matteo as fuck. Even Gastón.
"She is investigating and looking for her biological parents. And she has never said anything." He shrugs hoping that when he says it out loud it will sound like it's giving him right to be mad, or at least annoyed. But it doesn't.
"I'm sorry to be the one saying this, bro, but you should think what you want to do with your life, because all you keep doing now is being Bruno's little bitch." Gastón's voice is calm and stable and it's impossible how good his friend is at keeping it cool. Matteo can do it too, but not when he hears person he truly loves saying all these words and crying.
"That doesn't matter. Luna is crying." He mumbles looking around the cafeteria with empty eyes.
"Again?" That's it about feeling better. "I mean, did you two talk now or what?"
"I overheard her talking to Simón. She said that she thought things between us couldn't work out." As soon as he says it it hits him again, with double force and his chest is in ice and fire again.
"Wow, Matteo." Gastón murmurs shaking his head. "Since I'm your best friend I need to say that she is probably right. As long as you choose everything over her."
Italian stares at him surprised, but Perida just smiles sadly, patting his back and wishing him good luck before leaving.
Nothing will separate us he said once it twice. He even promised. Now he's the one being the reason they can't work it out.
Tears are going down his face, but he can't care anymore. Luna is crying. Because of him.
He can cry too.
