Numb (Harry Styles)

Chapter 3

I was still at the dorm. I didn't leave, I don't know where to go. What am I even doing here. He is very aggressive. I won't get better here. He's also very different. I've never seen anyone with so many tattoos. He was also all black. A black t-shirt and a black skinny jeans. I think he is not the bright light. I need to find someone that isn't rude to me. I hate feeling like this. I hate it. Hate it. Hate. Hate. Hate. H-

The door opened, I stod up immediately. I didn't want to cause any problems. There he stod. He looked very pissed off. I guess they couldn't find another dorm for me. He walked past me and layed down on his bed. What happend? Why didn't he talk to me? Is it always going to be like this? I ask myself way to many questions again. Stop thinking. Stop caring. Stop trying to make friends. Stop it. Just stop. Stop. Stop.

"Are you going to watch me all day?" He said.

Ugh no, I've officially ruined it. I didn't even know I looked at him.

"I'm sorry" I say fast. I can feel the heat in my body. I blushed. No. He probably saw it.

I went to the bathroom again. I need to be alone. I can't handle this. It's to much happening again. I started to cry again. Why do I always cry. My heart is starting to beat faster and faster. I pray to god that the guy doesn't hear me sobbing. I need to stop but I can't. Once again, I can't control myself. I want my razor blade but It's in my suitcase. I can't walk out like this. I need to stop thinking to much. I need to make myself think about something else. I need to hurt myself. The pain on my skin is a better feeling than thr pain in my heart. I looked around. Trying to found some sort of razor. I didn't found anything. Should I go through his stuff? No, I shouldn't I would only make it worse between us two. But I could just look, he won't notice it. I open his drawer under the sink. I didn't found any razors. Why doesn't got a razor? Every guy should own a razor. I looked a little more. I found something. I found a lighter. Yes, finally I found something. I took the lighter and placed it under my left hand. I burned my hand. The pain was very strong. It was worser than cutting but it helped. I didn't think as much. Okay, this is enough. I place the lighter back where I found it. I looked myself in the mirror. I looked disgusting. I was waiting for my reflection to transform. I hate myself. Nobody will ever love this. Look at yourself. You are not pretty. You are not skinny or happy. You will never be loved. This is what you are and this is what you'll always be, I tell myself. I started to cry again. When will these tears have an end. I washed my face and hands with water. I didn't want to take to much time because what if he understood what I did. I walked out of the bathroom. I saw him. He wasn't laying down anymore. He was sitting on the chair.

"If we are going to live together, I guess we should know eachothers name. I'm Harry." He says turning his chair to my direction. Is he trying to make a conversation with me?

"I'm Mia." I say not trying to look at him.

"Okay. Mia, my friends is coming over in an hour. Just letting you know."

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask not quite sure what to do.

"I don't care and they will not care either. It's your dorm too. Do whatever you want." He says as if he told me something nice.

"Are you always like this?"

"Like what?" He asked with an annoyance.

"Rude." I'm scared of his reaction but I have to know who I'm living with.

"How the fuck am I the rude one when you walk in to my room. Without my premission. I just fucking tried to talk to you." He said with anger as he stood up from his chair.

Fear hit me hard. I did it again. Why did he curse at me? I was calm. I wanted to know.

"I- I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make y- you angry." I say, or mumble. I dont know what I did to be honest.