Numb (Harry Styles)

Chapter 5

I'm back at Kat's dorm again. I want to tell someone about what happend between me and Harry but I don't know any of these people. They are a big group that have probably known eachother for years and here I am trying to fit in. I'm not like them at all. I don't dress like them, listen to their music, drinking and smoking, carefree and not thinking about anyone's opinion. I kinda wish I as confident as Kat seems to be. Having blue hair is really intense, I guess she likes attention. My thoughts are controlling me again. I'm sick of being like this. I'm sick of not feeling pretty. I want to be loved but I'll never let myself believe that someone could really love me and put up with me being a failure all the time. I will never get better. Not even God can fix me.

''Mia, are you okay?'' Kat asks me. She took me out of my deep thoughts which I'm glad she did. I will end up in a insane asylum as Harry told me. This can't get any worse. Why am I always bringing myself down and causing problems that weren't even there in the beggining. ''Mia?'' I hear her voice again.

''Um yeah I'm fine. I just got a big headache. I should go to my dorm and take a nap.'' I tell her in a rush and exit the room. I've got a feeling that everyone in her room was looking at me like I'm some sort of freak. Great first impression Mia. The only thing missing is someone patting me on my shoulder of my ''great'' job of making new friends. 

I'm back at our dorm again. I can't seem to run away from this hell beacuse this is all I've got and I can't just live with someone else when this is suppost to be my room and my bed. I have all the rights to live here as much as Harry has although it was his dorm first. I'm finally alone. When I close the door I felt tears down my cheeks. My back is against the wooden door and I was slowly falling to the floor, my knees against my chest. I want to go home. I want to sleep and never wake up. I want to stop feeling like this. I am always sad. I want to change so much. I would do anything to not feel like this. I want my razor blade but that asshole took them. I can't believe how much he made me hate him. 

I stood up to find something that could possibly tear my skin open and make me stop thinking. I didn't found anything. Harry have taken everything I had. Just as I thought about him I hear the door being pushed open. I run into the bathroom and locked the door this time. He couldn't see me like this again, I hated it when people saw my cry. I don't want to be the weakest girl on this planet. I heard the door close again. He is here. I can't stay in here the whole day, I have to face him. I wonder if he remember the kiss. The probably does because he is still angry, or whatever he feels. We should talk about this but I don't want to talk to him. I hear a very loud song in the bedroom. If he seriously is going to be this difficult I need to find a way out of here. I washed my face and I dried my face with the white towel. I'm still unsure if I should face him. I unlock the door and head straight to my bed. He is sitting on the chair with his head on his crossed arms on the desk. He probably didn't hear my existence because of this loud noice.I took my schedule out to memorize my classes and hours. I'm kind of looking forward to going to class so I don't have to be in the same room as Harry. I can't concentrate when his music is on the highest volume ever and his music taste is horrible. I swear he is doing this to piss me off and It's working. I can't stand him.

"Harry, turn it off." I tell him. I don't know if he heard me. As I repeated what I said Harry turned the volume higher. Oh, for god's sake. I will pumch him so hard, I've never been this irritated before. We will not only get complains but I will get deaf.  I almost ran to the speaker and turned it off without hesitation. "Will you stop this act?" I tell him with a serious voice. Hopefully he will feel bad or ashamed.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Coming to my dorm and turning my speaker off?" Harry spat out with his voice full of anger.

"I- I can't stand loud music."