No Worth

Nightmare

Ashley's POV 

When we get back to the hotel, Mitch is still grumbling about how I stole his meatball. I don't say anything. I just smile and watch, quite amused.

We all walk upstairs together, the guys making quite the racket as usual. When we reach my hotel room, I yawn and even stretch a little, but this time it's not an act. Today has been a little tiring for me, and all I want to do is lose myself in sleep, although I can only hope I won't have nightmares.

They've been a reoccurring thing for me, and I get them almost every night. I always end up waking in a cold sweat, crying, or calling out. Tara finds them annoying, and my parents cared at first, but now they're used to it, so they treat it as if it's "normal." Which is to say, doing absolutely nothing. So every night, I have to calm myself down, which is not always the easiest task.

"Well I'm going to head off to bed." I tell them, lingering by my door a bit.

"So early?" Adam questions. I nod.

"A little tired from my plane ride still, I guess." I say, and it's partly true.

"Yeah, that's right. Go to bed, you meatball thief." Mitch teases, grinning at me. I can't help but smirk at him.

"You mad bro?" I challenge, but then laugh, Everyone else does too.

"Alright, night Ashley." Jerome says, waving at me and backtracking down the hall to his room. I wave back in return, giving them all my best sleepy smile before opening my door and walking into my hotel room. I flip the light switch on and walk over to my small suitcase. I take my time getting undressed, then go to the bathroom to take care of my "feminine" issues. After I brush my teeth, take off my makeup, and brush out my hair, I crawl into the cool hotel bed, and I wish for the millionth time I had someone here with me. A certain someone who would never hold me the way I craved for him to.

Stop. My subconscious chides me as I become aware of the growing hole of pain in my chest. I sigh and settle for hugging a pillow to calm my nerves. There's no use in wishing for something I can never have. I take another deep breath and close my eyes, drifting off into sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Beep. Beep. My phone alarm sounds and light pours into my eyes as I wake up from a peaceful sleep. I was back in the Barcelona hotel room, the one I shared with Mitch. I feel his arms around me. He was such a restless sleeper. I look up slightly to see his peaceful sleeping face, and I can't help but smile and sigh in content. His eyes snap open, and he looks around, unsure as to where he was. I blush as he looks down at me, but I quickly realize his eyes are filled with disgust.

"Don't touch me whore." he spits, roughly shoving me away from him.

"W-what?" I stutter, dumb-founded. "I-I thought-" 

He cuts me off by giving a laugh filled with no humor.

"What? You think I could actually like you, much less love you?" his face mocks me in an expression I've never seen him wear before.

"Fuck you." His eyes turn back, and he punches me in the face, sending me flying backward. I expect to hit the ground, but I keep falling, my heart being pulled down with it.

"You're a freak." Tara's voice echos in my head, full of spite.

"You're just so stupid, Ashley." Jerome's voice is harsh, an immense change from his usual kind words.

"Look at how fat you are." Adam's voice taunts.

"Who could ever like you?" Alesa hisses. A mirror is put in front of me, and I can see how how my entire body is sagging under layers of fat. Have they always been there? Then, my reflection shifts and morphs into the person I knew was coming. Mitch. His eyes look pitch black and cold, the complete opposite of his usual light colored milky brown eyes that could melt my heart in minutes. He sneers at me, his face twisted up in a terrifying expression.

"You are so utterly pathetic. Just leave me alone, you don't mean anything to me. Don't you realize?" I close my eyes before he finishes the sentence. I know what's coming. The line that falls from his lips every time I dream of him.

"You have no worth." 

No matter how many times I hear it, it hurts all the same.Then, my eyes are forced open as the mirror shatters into a million pieces, and they turn into a black, glistening wave of spikes, swirling toward me.

"Goodbye." His voice echoes and rattles around in my head, and those are the last words I hear. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. I glance out the window and see it's still dark out, but the sky is lightening up. I hold my head in my hands to catch my breath. It's been a while since I've dreamt of him, but it feels like I'm suffocating now that I have. With shaking hands, I reach for my phone to check the time. 3 AM. 

I sigh and lay back down on the pillows, still shaken from my horrendous nightmare. If only there was something to ease the pain.