No Worth

Fall

Ashley's POV:

My body is flown backward into another table, causing me to hit my head, arm and back on it's edge. That's going to leave a bruise. I dazedly look up to see what hit me, and I'm greeted with an angry expression of a slightly chubby blonde haired kid, his face red and contorted with rage.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" he shouts at me. I blink a few times, seeing if I heard him right.

"S-s-sorry." I stutter, too dazed to think straight. I hear other people's footsteps coming toward me, but I have to pay attention to getting up off the floor. I feel sticky and wet, and realize his soda contents were now all overmy shirt. 

"Wait a minute..." the kid starts, getting closer to me.

"I know you! You're AshleyMarieeGaming!" he exclaims. I nod a little warily. There's something up with this kid. He's off his rocker.

When I look up, I'm about to muster a smile of some sort, except the face I'm greeted with is pure disgust.

"I fucking hate you! You're so stupid, and you barely contribute to any videos you're in! You're a slut and not even funny, I don't get what anyone sees in you!" Each word feels like a stab to my heart, and I feel the unwelcome tears prick the corner of my eyes, falling down my cheeks.

He's right. I stare at him for a few seconds, and you could hear a pin drop in that room. Then, I slowly shake my head, feeling my ay backward, needing to get out, and get out now.

I run towards the door as fast as I can go, trying to wipe the tears off my face. The second I'm out I hail a taxi, stumbling along the sidewalk, trying to blink back tears.

When I get back to my room, I don't hesitate to slam the door behind my and dig through my bag.

I go to open my depression pills, but then realize they're not there.

I don't care anyway, they never did anything. Why waste medication on someone who doesn't deserve it? Someone who will just kill hersef anyway?

I throw my bag away from me, seeing it soar across the room. It looks so...weightless and free.

I want to do that. I want to fly.

Slowly, I back out of my room, and turn around, not bothering to close the door behind me. I start walking down the hallway until I see the stairwell that's labeled "To Roof."

I run up the stairs, trying my best to keep my balance as they move before me, side to side, making me dizzy. Or am I already dizzy?

I finally get to the top, and feel cool air hit my face. I walk forward, slowly, until I'm at the edge of the roof. I look down at all the cars on the road, see them passing by. Then I look up at the sky, clear and blue, with puffy white clouds dotting all over it. That's where I want to go.

I climb up on the ledge. It will be over soon. 

Just as I'm about to jump, I hear the sound of a door behind me, and turn around, surprised to see Mitch standing there.

"Ashley!" he calls, eyes frantic and clearly out of breath.

His eyes widen even further in horror, tears brimming as he realizes where I'm standing, and what I'm about to do.

"Ashley, you can't do this!" he yells, coming closer toward me. But his advance only makes me lean away from him, not enough to send me off balance, but enough to make him freeze in his tracks.

"I have to!" I shout back at him. "Don't you see? I'm not wanted here. No one wants me! I just want to let go!"

I'm so busy yelling, I don't reaize my shout has turned to a sob, and I've stepped away from the ledge, and back onto the floor.

"I'm just so tired Mitch," I continue, much quieter. "tired of wanting when no one wants me, tired of wanting to be when no one wants to be with me! I'm tired of loving, when I know that I will never be loved."

My voice cracks on the word 'never,' as I look him in the eyes. The pieces seem to click in his mind, and he's dumbfounded.

"I want to be with you." he says, mostly to himself. This time, it's my turn to freeze.

He wants to be with me? No, he can't. He's lying. He has to be.

I shake my head at him repeatedly, his words playing over and over in my mind.

"YOU'RE LYING!" I scream at him, angry tears running down my cheek. He seems taken aback, left speechless.

"You just pity me. Everyone who's ever 'cared' about me just pities me. No one can want me! No one!" Each word sends another wave of tears down my cheek, as well as his.

"Ashley," he starts quietly, sounding almost broken. "you have to believe me, I do." 

"No," I say again, shaking my head. "no, you don't."

"Then let me prove it to you." he chokes, moving closer to me. I want to step back, but I'm paralyzed by those milky brown eyes that have become my light and dark, my sun and moon.

"Just please," he continues, moving forward slowly still. "come over here."

"Why?" I ask yet again, this time a barely audible whisper. "I'm...I'm not worth it." I shake my head. I have to get out of this trance. He doesn't understand, I have to die. There's no place for me in this world, no one I can belong with. I take another backward step toward the edge.

"Yes you are." Mitch says softly, this time not moving. "Please believe me when I tell you there's a place where you belong, a place with me. I want you to be with me Ashley, I don't want to be without you." He's started inching towards me, but I don't move back this time. His eyes never leave mine, not even for a second. They hold so much truth, so much emotion, that they suck me into them and it feels like there's a piece of me going with every tear that falls down his cheek, a piece that wants to give in.

He's standing inches apart from me, and I haven't noticed until now that I've stepped down from the ledge, my need to fly replaced by the need to be closer to him.

"Ashley Marie Surcombe, to me, you have so-" he kisses one side of my forehead, hands on both sides of my cheeks. "much-" the other side. "worth." He finally puts his soft lips to mine, and I feel life entering my body, seeming to brighten the world and everything around me and I find myself kissing back, ever so tenderly as if not wanting to shatter the object of perfection that was finally in my grasp. He carefully strokes his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away the tears and pulling me closer to him as well. With still shaking hands, I lift my arms up to his neck, seeking more support, but not having the strength to increase the kiss, to kiss him the way I've desired for far too long.

I start to feel dizzy and lose focus. I struggle to concentrate on the way our lips move perfectly in sync, the way he breathes life into me easier that it is for me to breathe at all, but instead I have to open my eyes. Mitch pulls away, but I can't zone in on his expression, or anything at all. I stumble backward and I see his mouth open, calling for me, but I hear no sound. My perfect world is spinning, and I feel like I'm falling sideways as it finally comes to a crash.