'Thud, Thud, Thud!' Tobias groaned at the pounding on his ears, and squirmed at the beam of blinding light that flashes across his eyes. Annoyed and confused and grumbling to himself, he sat up against the bedpost, eyes still closed.
Nothing could have prepared him for what came next, sheer pain across his left chest it wasn't like the physical pain of a thousand of jabs from a hundred different directions, but it was purely spiritual. More like, a part of him had been severed at the heartstring and now she was sitting there on his bedside, grinning like a two-year old. The one who's supposed to be dead. Yes, her.
"Tris," he muttered groggily, "You're alive?" She smiled, and as he reached out to touch her. Nothing. His hand went past her. She was fading away like sea foam and reality collapsed so hard onto his chest it was enough to draw blood. He heaved rapidly at the sting of his heart bleeding. Yes, the literal pain that surpasses everything. Nothing matters because she was so close he could almost kiss her, but he couldn't touch her. This defied common sense.
Throat sore and dry, his eyes started to water. His whole body betraying him.
"Tris, tell me your here with me, I know your not gone," he whispered pleading.
He looked at her eyes. They're bloodshot and show no expression. He watched her blink. She was gone, and there was only a gaping abyss of darkness that consumed him. Of nothingness.
He awoke soaking with sweat, furiously blinking as a teardrop escaped his eyes.
"Tris," he said, his voice so hoarse that nothing came out after. At least, nothing comprehensible.
Then, a mistake on his part, he let himself think of her dainty fingers pressed against his chest, of how much he missed her so much. Loving her more than had ever loved anyone in his whole life, was the worst and greatest thing that has ever happened to him. Every time he thought of her it killed him a little more. Whoever had the nerve to come up with time could heal the broken must be an idiot because it'd been years since her murder and every day was shittier than the last.
'Tobias, why did you let go of me? You promised to keep me alive. I trusted you!' He kept imagining her, spitting those words like poison, and guilt growing inside of him more and more.
Perhaps he should've drank it. The memory serum. It could make the pain go away... but he needed her. Her smile, her voice and her touch.
Suddenly, as if by some psychic revelation of the universe he felt for the first time, a sense of purpose, a hot flash, a magnetic tugging by a greater force.
Catch the train! Catch the train! They chanted, the voices in his head. Over and over that it drove him to run straight to the platform. And all he could think about was how the feel of cool water over his now barely visible scars didn't make him feel better. And now, maybe nothing could.
He leapt onto the oncoming train effortlessly, but it was different this time. As he grabbed the handle he let the wind toy with his hair and briefly- not too long, perhaps a split second- entertained the idea that maybe it was just easier for him to let go, before flinging himself inside.
As the train gained momentum, Tobias exhaled, a long uninterrupted heave, as he leant against the corner of the train. Even though there was no one else, he found some solace in knowing that he was as far as the gaping hole between the doors.
And just when he thought he would remain alone. Thump. Thump. Silence. Thump. Thundering footfalls against aluminum, he noted, but light enough to be caused by a pair of heels. Then he looked up at her as she collapsed onto the floor out of breath and stayed there still unable to get up.
Now this was not out of the ordinary, considering how many Dauntless initiates had cheered when they made it onto the train for the first time, heaving hard and on their knees.
For a second all he could do swallow at how fragile she looked - raven locks that dangled just above her shoulders and what must be the gentlest eyes behind the pair of shades resting on the bridge of her nose - like the impact between her and the train should've broken her; but didn't.
"I'm so sorry," he said snapping out of it, realizing she was still lying on the floor. As he reached out to help her, he realized how all she wore from head to toe was gray, so were her tiny pale hands.
Abnegation, he couldn't help but think. That can't be, though. There were no more factions.
"You should've let me lie there," she said.
"It didn't mean to-" The train shifted before he could finish, causing the girl to topple and lose her balance. Before he could hold onto the railing, the girl had crashed on top of him, the collision knocking her shades off. And there staring back at him, the same blue orbs he'd seen this morning.
Come on, let's be rational. The dead do not come back to life. But she was so real! His breath caught in his throat, he inspected her face. He wasn't dreaming. It's her.
"Tris," he muttered under his breath. "How?"
Her eyes widened as she froze, before scrambling to get off him. "I'm sorry, I don't know you and I don't know a Tris."
"This is a joke right?" he chuckled. "Come on Tris."
"I'm not Tris, alright?" she exclaimed and starts crying. "Look, I don't know who I am or where I am, so will you just please leave me alone!"
No. Nononono, he thought, horrified that he'd made her cry. He knew he couldn't have trusted his eyes. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
He let out a sigh and looked at her. Of course Tris was dead. But Tris or not he made her cry.
"Hey, hey, it's alright. Come here," he cooed as he pulled her in an embrace. She smelled like strawberries, he thought as she buried her head on his shoulder. Tris smelled like strawberries. No, Tobias. Stop torturing yourself. She is gone
He slipped an arm around her waist, his mind buzzing with a thousand thoughts – all of Tris – as he held her for what must have felt like forever.
"I'm so sorry I don't know what came over me," she managed in between sobs, now regaining her composure.
"It' s okay, I know how you feel," he said, mustering the most reassuring smile. "I'm Four by the way, nice to meet you."
"Four as in the number?" A faint smile appeared on her lips.
"Yeah, and since you don't have a name pick one."
"Edith," she mumbled. Tobies nodded in agreement. He knew that name. But who was Edith? Why couldn't he remember?
"Wait, no. Beatrice," she blurted out.
And his heart leapt when he heard her name, Beatrice.
Wake up. He needed to wake up. If it this dream was over then it wouldn't hurt as much.
