Eating for two - a harry styles fanfiction

14.

Emma's point of view

It was now the morning after, and I was about to leave the house with Ava. After coming home last night, I didn't tell Tom in detail what had happened to Harry as he didn't want anyone else to know. I just told Tom he wasn't feeling very well and just needed something to help him a little. Tom seemed to believe it, luckily. 

"I'll see you later. I'm taking Ava to Harry's." I said to Tom, who was sat in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. 

"Okay, see ya." Tom replied. 

I walked outside and put Ava in her car seat. When she was strapped in, I got into the driver's seat and drove to Harry's. I saw lights on through the windows, so I knew he was up. 

I got out of the car, picked up Ava and her bag, and then walked up to the door. I pressed the doorbell, and shortly after, Harry opened the door. He looked really tired, so I wasn't surprised if he hadn't slept at all. 

"Hey." He said. 

"Hi." I replied, walking inside. I handed him Ava before I took my shoes off and followed Harry into the living room. "How are you feeling?" I asked as we sat down. 

"Tired. I couldn't sleep." He replied. He looked down at Ava, who had her eyes glued to him. He smiled at her, making her smile back. "Holding her makes every day worth it." Harry said, looking over at me. I smiled. 

"Also makes you realize how much she would be affected too if you hadn't been with us anymore. She would have to grow up without you. Without a dad in her life." I said. His facial expression got more serious as he turned his gaze back to Ava. Then, I heard him whisper an 'I love you' to her and kissed her forehead. 

I looked at Harry's arms, but he had covered them by wearing a hoodie. I hadn't realized until now that ever since he came back from tour, I had never seen him wear something with short sleeves. He was always wearing a sweater or a hoodie.

"You're gonna stop hurting yourself now, right?" I asked Harry, and he looked up at me. 

"Yeah... I've just realized I have so much more to lose than what I thought... There's no way I'm letting this little girl grow up without her dad." He replied. "And also, I didn't think you would care if I was gone. But after everything you said to me, I'm guessing I was wrong." 

"Harry, don't you ever think I wouldn't care if you died. We may not be together, but I'll always care about you. And if you think I'm still mad at you, you're completely wrong. It's just that we've both gotten so used to being apart from each other that I don't know if we could ever get back together. We won't be able to pick up where we left of and it's just gonna be weird between us." I said. 

"I understand." He said. "But if you ever change your mind, I'll still be here." 

Harry was about to speak again when the doorbell rang. 

"It's probably mum and Gemma. Don't tell them anything about last night, okay?" He said and I nodded. 

He got up from the couch and handed me Ava before walking to the door. As the door opened, I heard Gemma's cheerful voice greet Harry. I didn't hear Anne, though. 

"Emma!" Gemma said, making me turn around and look at her.

"Hi, Gemma!" I said and smiled at her.

"Come on, we're going out for lunch. My treat. Ava can stay with Harry." She said. I looked at Harry, who nodded at me. 

"Sounds good." I said, looking back at Gemma. Harry walked over and took Ava before I walked outside with Gemma. 

"So, still nothing going on between you and Harry?" Gemma asked as we were walking. We decided to go to a cafe just down the street. 

"No, just friends, I guess." I replied. But the thing was, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be just friends anymore. 

When I told Harry he scared me, I had realized how upset I would become if I actually lost him. If I lost him, I wouldn't know how to handle everything. Looking at Ava would be even harder. And on top of it all, I wouldn't have gotten to tell Harry how I feel. Although I don't even know completely how I feel myself, I know for sure that I have stronger feelings for him that a 'friend' should have. 

But of course, if I wanted to tell Harry that, I would have to wait a few weeks. I didn't want him to think I was only saying it because I feel sorry for him or anything. I want him to know that I genuinely mean it, but I just don't know what should happen between us. 

That was something I had to figure out myself. Harry didn't want anyone else to know about what happened last night, which also means that I can't fully explain to people what made me realize how much I actually need him. 

Of course, I could just explain to him that I'm not saying it because I feel sorry for him, but I wanted to give him time to move past this incident. I wanted to give him some time for himself and meanwhile I could figure out what I wanted. Even tough I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be with Harry. 

"Emma, are you okay? You're crying." Gemma said as she stopped walking. 

"Oh, um, yeah I'm fine." I said, quickly wiping away my tears. 

"Stop lying." She said.

I just looked down and didn't say anything.

"You found out about his cuts, didn't you?" Gemma said. 

"What? How did you know?" I asked. 

"Don't be mad at me, but I was standing outside for about 5 minutes before I actually rang the doorbell. A window was open and I heard you talking about it." She said. "And I've known about his cuts for months. He was visiting home once, but he probably forgot he wasn't alone and decided to wear a t-shirt. I saw them, but he doesn't know I did." 

"He almost killed himself, Gem..." I said, feeling another tear roll down my cheek.

"I heard..." She said, hugging me. And that was when I broke down, in the middle of the street.

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hope you like it :)

- m i a h xx