It's Jesus

His Grace, on its race

                                                

Once when I was too much of everything, it happened that I was really not heading on the right trail. I've been flaming up my faith on that Sunday evening as I had this sincere talked with my fellow church mate about this secret of blessings when someone's obeying their parents. Well, it is really biblical right that when we obey our parents, where it is just in the sight of the Lord, they will live a long life. (Ephesians 6:1). So, I am really challenging myself to obey my parent's whatever chores to-be-given to me that time on. Monday evening came when I forgot to unplugged the rice cooker from the socket, where the rice is already cooked.

 I am busy on my phone, that is probably why it is called cell phone because I was jailed for that time. My Father was really angry, not to mention that in our local community, he is one of the rescue officers of this disaster awareness organization. He blamed me for things that will supposedly to happen if I let the rice cooker stay unattended. It came to the point where he added everything my mishaps as his child and all. But I can't just rebut with any words to Him because he was right. I also made a huge mistake. I answered my Mom's words with such disobedience contrasting the Ephesians 6:1.

It was a Monday night filled with sorrows and at the same time hate. I don't know why. I ended up cursing myself and all that. To the point, I forgot how Sovereign the Lord I am serving. I forgot how HIS wonders once made me awe. I forgot the miracles he showed in my life. The thought of the wonderful things He has done to me, whether it is the simplest thing to enormous one, were all forgotten due to my rugged heart and weak spirit at that time. The worst part of this story is this, I consciously decided I will become a free thinker from that day on. Thinking that being an atheist would be the only way to let myself free.

 I used to contemplate that because I sinned, again and again. It seems I wasn't informed how God could turn that mess into a beautiful one through HIS marvelous grace. It wasn't a moment wasted though, because I was able to get a lot of encouragements, like I was still, amused up until now, that it really happened. Jesus does really overcome the world as it says in the bible "In the world, you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world".(insert verse) that is really true!

 He proved it the time when I was crying on my room's floor, where it is a bit cold whilst scanning my phone for some messages in one of my social media accounts. I saw Kuya Bjorn's comment on the video I uploaded just the night before. He is a friend of mine. I saw the comment and he gave a compliment saying I was talented for I am playing the keyboard at that video I uploaded. I message him after that. He gave series of encouragements. Like, the moment I am really in need of that, he came rushing from nowhere. He did send me lots of lifting messages, saying what is happening to me is a whole lot like of a diamond, I am just being refined by God just like all diamonds do.

Tuesday morning came, my mood isn't as sunny as the weather. I was really feeling gloomy like I am carrying dozens of clouds (maybe, there's something like that). We are practicing cheer dance at that time and oh, I just, just this moment when I am writing, realized that it is really kind of timing because we are practicing cheer dance at the school where, we all know its purpose is to cheer a team or someone, perhaps. That whole practice is really brought for me because I know that at some point, God wants to cheer me up with what happened. 

We keep on mouthing in our lips the same words over and over again "GO! GO! GO!". If I am not that sensible, I might not be able to unlock that kind of encouragement God wants me to feel to know that He is there all the time, to give me comfort. Since that time I wasn't still able to cope with my spiteful attitude resulting to what I was feeling that day, I found another encouragement God had been sending, actually, a lot more.

My patience was seemingly lost, I cussed when my water bottle was about to spill on the floor, with our chemistry teacher in front, I don't know if they heard it well, some of my classmates did. I was horrible at that time. I was sitting in front, so I tried to hold the tears inside my both eyes. I don't really want it to be revealed. I covered my face and I secretly ask God for His voice to be revealed or some longing like that. Still, the thought of Him bringing Him away from me lingered on my mind. I wiped a tear from my right eye as it flowed. As I catch it, I was able to be caught up with a voice singing at the back of me. It was my classmate, Alyssa. 

She has this really angelic voice and it soothes me over time I hear her singing—everyone does when she began singing. I was actually overwhelmed when he gave out the words "I ask you how many times will you pick me up when I keep on letting you down." I know the song. It is Laura Story's. I keep closing my eyes as she continued the line with much heavy meaning as it to me that exact moment "..and each time I will fall short of your glory, how far will forgiveness abound. And you answer my child I love you, and as long as you're seeking my face, you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace". I can't help, but to listen as she sings. 

She probably doesn't know that her singing brought me to many tears because at first, it wasn't intentionally singing by her. She was just, with Airah, her seatmate, shared that new application she got from play store, where there's a bunch of lyrics of popular songs to be seen. So she tri3ed it once, and it serves as a sort of divine assistance from above, through these two. Another one, as I continue to do my thing in front, of course, still sobbing a bit, I heard another song. Via, my classmate, who also has this rare voice, she absolutely has it, she started singing Hillsong's Heart of worship. 

The catch is, I barely heard her singing gospel song, but at that exact moment, where I am drowned in confusion, the moment where I am about to wipe the faith I began, God is absolutely perfect in His ways that He lets me encounter adverse situation, for me, as He is bringing me far more than I ever thought, to something I don't have any idea I could know Him better. He is really my comforter and He taught me not to carry the burden inside me as He once promised in 1 Peter: "Cast all your burdens on Me, for I care for you". He also showed me that His grace is always available for me, no matter how deep I would fall, sometimes.

Of course, I didn't become an atheist. I just wrote my testimony.