Help Me Gray

Chapter Four

I fumble with the key, trying to get it into the lock with my shaky fingers as I hold back the dam trying to escape my eyes. Like usual, I was struck out of nowhere with emotions of terrible loneliness and sadness as well as feeling like a waste of space and unimportant. They sneak up on me without warning, forcing me to excuse myself while I try and deal with them. In worst case scenarios, I put on as brave a face for as long as is necessary. Luckily for me, no one is around this time.

 The key finally slides in and I twist it, hearing the satisfying click of the door unlocking. I push my way through, taking the key out of the hole and slam the door shut. I lock it and slide down the door, holding my head in my hands. Why?! I ask myself.

Because you are alone. Answers a deep and menacing voice inside my head.

But I'm not alone. I tell the voice, tears pooling in my eyes and blurring my vision. I blink, pushing the tears from my eyes and letting them slip down my face. My friends at Fairy Tail are always with me!

Tsk Tsk. How naive you are. The voice laughs. Where are your friends now? The ones that mocked you? Are they not supposed to encourage you. To comfort you when you're sad? To pick you up when you fall? What greeeeaaaat friends you have.

"STOP IT!" I shout at the voice, tears now streaming down my face as if my eyes were waterfalls. "Stop it, please," I beg out loud, my voice a quivering whisper.

There is only one way I will ever stop... Only one way to make all the pain... Go away.

"Do you promise?" I ask the voice meekly as I dry my eyes with the back of my hands and sniffle.

I do.

I nod my head and stand up, the sadness replaced by a numbing emptiness. I know what I must do. I think to myself as I make my way to the kitchen. I scan the kitchen, trying to remember where everything is kept. I finally give up and start opening drawers until I find the one with knives. I filter through the drawer looking for a sharp knife without serrated edges. I finally find one and pull it out of the drawer, holding it to the air and watching as the light dances on it. Suddenly Gray's face pops into my head. "Just... Don't trash it like you do your place, okay?"

I shake my head and scream. I'm useless! They don't need me. They would be better off without me... I take a deep breath and press the knife to my wrist. Images of Gray coming home to find my body covered in blood flood my head. I can see the pain on his face clear as day. I can hear him cry as he scoops me off the floor and holds me close to his body and weeps.

I throw the knife and start sobbing uncontrollably. What am I doing? I am loved. I am important. I am a member of Fairy Tail!

I pull myself up off the floor and fetch the knife I threw and put it back into the drawer and slam it shut. I run to Gray's room and jump onto the bed, tears slipping down my face again. Why am I like this? I ask myself as I curl up into a ball, hugging my legs to my chest. I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. To focus on positive thoughts, like how I'm sleeping on Gray's bed instead of my couch. Or this intoxicating aroma that's invading my nose. It's Gray's scent. Something familiar and comforting. I reach out into the darkness and grab hold of some kind of cloth and bring it to my face, holding it against my nose and taking in the musky scent. My heart slows and my breathing returns to normal. It's kind of funny how my rival's smell is what calmed me down. I think as I drift off to sleep.

Light seeps through my eyelids. I roll over, putting the light to my back, still clutching the fabric in my hand. I pull it to my face, breathing deeply and smiling. I stretch, letting out a small moan. "Sexy." I hear someone mutter from beside me. I glance over and notice a lump in the bed beside me and poke it with my index finger. The blanket is pulled down slightly revealing Gray underneath. "Could you not. And can I have my underwear back?"

I give Gray a confused look and he nods to my hand. I look at it and notice that I'm holding a pair of underwear. I scream and throw it to the floor, jumping out of bed. "I don't why I was holding that! And I thought you were on a job!?"

Gray laughs. "Yeah. I came in last night and tried to take it out of your hands. Punched me square in the jaw." I glance at his face and notice a giant purple bruise just below his left ear. "And I was supposed to go on a job but something more important came up." Gray rustles my hair and I pull away in annoyance and fix it.

When did he get in? I blush, thinking about Gray walking in and catching me sniffing his underwear. I can't believe I was sniffing his underwear! Despite being a bit grossed out, I can't help but feel slightly turned on and wanting more. Gray laughs suddenly catching me off guard. "What?" I ask, bracing myself for him to mention that he had seen his underwear plastered to my face.

"Well..." Gray's face turns red and he looks away. "It's the morning and... Well, you should probably cover up..." I stare at him for a moment, confused by what he meant. It dawned on me suddenly and I grab a pillow, covering up my erection. "Aww man! Why'd you have to use that one?! It's my favorite!"

My face burns hot and I drop the pillow, using my hands instead. "S-sorry!" I stutter. "I wasn't thinking..." Tears sting my eyes as they begin to water from embarrassment. I don't want Gray to see me cry so I turn around to leave. Before I have the chance to take even a step, Gray grabs my wrist and spins me around, pulling me into a hug.

"It's okay, Natsu! It's just a pillow!" Gray laughs. We pull apart but Gray keeps hold of my wrists. I look down to avoid his gaze, a mixture of emotions I'm having trouble processing flowing through me. "You can talk to me, you know that right?" He informs me as he squats down far enough to looking up into my eyes.

My heart skips a beat. What does he know? How could he? I've been so careful! My mind races with questions and all I want to do is run and hide, but his grasp is holding me in place. Gray pulls me into another hug and whispers in my ear. "I just want you to be happy." I can't help it, his words wash away my fake exterior and my legs give way. Gray falls with me to the floor, cradling me in his arms as I sob into his neck. He doesn't say anything. He just holds me tight, running his hand down my head and neck comfortingly, letting me cry. My tears are plentiful and by the time I finally finish, his shirt is thoroughly soaked. 

I cling to Gray a while longer, listening to his steady heart beat and breathing in his calming scent until I feel stronger. I pull away and Gray gives me a comforting smile.

"Thanks. I needed that."

"I know." He says, leaning in and kissing me on the forehead. I freeze, completely perplexed by the kiss. He laughs at me and closes my gaping mouth gently with his finger. "It just felt like the right thing to do." He states plainly as if kissing someone was a casual thing. I blush, feeling another surge of emotions, happy ones this time. "Come on." He says as he stands up, stretching his hand out to me. "Everyone's waiting for you at the guild."

I nod my head and grab his hand, letting him pull me up. "Gray?"

"Hmm?"

"What was so important that you cancelled your job?"

Gray chuckles, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close to him. "You, of course!"