Therapist

Chapter 10 〰 Unloveable

Lia's POV

"Hello I came here for Dr. Hayden."

Sigh.

Even going to my appointment and asking for it drives me shy.

I was shrunk, shaking, fiddling with my arms and fingers just for asking for an appointment.

And the response made it even worse...

"I'm sorry but the current appointment which is about to end was the last for today. Do you want to-"

"I'll see you next week at that time, sounds good? Lia! You're up next," Dr. Hayden showed up from behind the gliding door and I mentally and physically relaxed.

Coping with socialism to me is very hard...I can barely walk up to someone and say hello.

Even Jackson being my friend is totally new to me. It hurts, wanting to open up to any friend while imaginative handcuffs seem to bother and stop me. I've wished for the day where I could show my real true self, my demons.

Even if it's not going to happen now, I'm sure it will anytime soon. To Jackson? Another friend? To my father? It never mattered to me.

"Sir, Uhm I don't see her name registered..."

"It's alright, I was the one to inform her to come today," he smiled at me, making my shy state relax and I became 'averagely shy' instead of  'fucking shy' .

The secretary smiled at me apologetically and I slowly walked to the doctor, seeing him move to the side, allowing me first.

My backpack was off beside the couch and I turned around to look at him. I immediately blushed realizing how he noticed I changed my jeans into jean shorts.

"So how have you been lately?"

"I-I've been good, thanks. Slowly improving day by day, yourself?" I smiled, taking in the warmth and comfort of the decor around me.

Little did I know, one day I'll find myself comfortable in a psychologist's office.

"Oh, it's not about me, now."he chuckled before turning to his desk leaving out some papers.

I felt a slight burn inside me, feeling guilty for him, and blurted  out, "not just because you're the one to grant help, means that you shouldn't seek it for yourself whenever you need it."

He stopped his working hands, almost frozen and taken back from what I had said. The way his state was immediately changed made me regret everything I confessed.

Was it wrong? Offensive?

I'm just a silly, awkward, little girl who doesn't know a thing about psychology.....

Yet.

He slowly turned around, a smile spread across his features, whispering, "I'm thinking we're going to be great friends."

"Yeah I don't think I'd be telling a stranger my deepest, darkest secrets," I recited what he had said in our last session, before he walked, the same, dreamy smile given to me with so much tender.

"Now," he let out a deep breath before pointing out to the big lounge chair. "How about we take that to the next level."

I slowly walked up to it, my sneakers squeaking against the wooden planked floor. They were off in a matter of seconds by an order from him, and I lounged down on the luxurious-like cushioned chair as he sat beside me on a big chair.

"Now, how did your day go at school today?"

"I met a friend," I sighed, having mine and Jackson's interactions play inside my head.

"Well that was fast," he smiled cheering my slightly frowned state.

"Yeah. He lives right next door. And he's uhm...well, he's kind of attractive and all.

"He's very welcoming, but I can never act or function properly in front of him."

"How so?"

"The day I first met him, I was sat in his room. It was my first time entering a boy's room, and he thought I'd entered a lot of boys' rooms over the years, which kind of made me confused as he started apologizing after that.."

"He probably thinks you've taken lots of boys' interests," he chuckled, running a hand through his soft, brown locks.

"Really?"

"Yeah...he started apologizing because he thought you understood that in a different way. Boys at this age think good looking, young girls are bad. Get it?"

My mouth hung open as I stared at the ceiling.

Wow. A boy actually thinks I'm hot.

Was that supposed to be a turn off for me??

I felt warm, big hands on my chin closing my wide open jaw, making me slightly flinch.

I turned to look at the brunet sat beside me, his face immediately falling as he whispered, "I'm sorry...I didn't realize that bothered you. And by the way, he apologized and that's a great sign. And you have a chance to play at that game...a huge one indeed."

"Yeah right," I scoffed, shaking my head before returning my gaze to the ceiling. "I can barely talk to anyone. I don't think I'd be able to flirt with such a good looking guy."

"Not even once?"

I looked at him, before the sincere look in his took me dazing off and I started shuddering at words I was remembering.

"Lia? It's alright...you don't have to tell me just yet."

If only I was able to confess it.

I would've done so without any hesitation.

"I'm alright..."

He shook his head sitting up more towards me before speaking up, "sometimes, it's alright to confess that you're not alright, and to let out what you're hiding away and concealing from people, specifically close ones. It's okay to not be fine..."

I slowly nodded before turning my gaze towards the ceiling, "I've never flirted with anyone before, not because of my shyness, but because of the lack of confidence I've got. I never believed I'm beautiful and I know that it's such a turn off. I just want to be loved- never confessed it before- but I always have that empty space inside me like I want to be held and hugged and loved."

"That's beautiful," I heard him slowly breath, and turned to see a smile clear on him. "You just need love, and I want to assure you that you're destined to have it. All you've got to do is wait and be patient, because such a beautiful soul like you needs to be loved properly."

"I don't know about that," I sighed, knowing how much his words mean to me. "My state is severe...and so, very eerie."

"Whatever it is, you'll always be beautiful... you'll still find love eventually, one whom will look at your state and still love you no matter how severe it is."

"It's funny how you don't even know my state yet you're sure that I'll find what I want," I shook my head slowly, sitting up to look him in the eye. "I myself don't enjoy how my state is taking over my mind. What gets into me at night is unlovable."

"That's the point of love, Lia," he slowly smiled, leaving the pencil and the notebook to run a hand through his silky, brown hair, "when you love someone, you fall in love with their unlovable traits, to make them feel whole and secure...if you put in your mind that this is love, then your love life is going to be endless...."