It's Sad to Belong

It's Sad to Belong || Suffering

They say you could write when you're sad!
So here you go I actually needed distractions a lot of distractions. I do hope this suffice for now.

The sun is shining brightly early in the morning. For weeks it's been rainy and gloomy, as if the weather has been sympathizing with her. She sits quietly, sipping her first cup of coffee, completely lost in thoughts.

"Nadine?"

She does not hear.

Yassi gently shakes her arm. "Hey, Nadine?"

Nadine blinks several times. "I'm sorry. I was just-"

"Lost in your little world," says Yassi.

She scans Nadine's face and all she sees is pain and misery. She is worried; worried for her well-being.

"I'm sorry," she says apologetically.

"I'm worried about you, Nadine."

"I'm fine, Yas," she says, giving her a fake smile.

"No, you're not. You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

"Yes, I know. But I really don't want to talk about it. It hurts too much to talk, Yassi."

"You're going to be okay, I promise."

"No, I won't," she says sadly, tears threatening to fall.

She had kept herself busy to keep her mind off things, off James. She hasn't shed a tear since that night.

She tried so hard not to cry because she knew that if she did, she will never be able to stop. "A part of me died the moment I lost James."

"Nadine, you'll find someone new. Someone who is truly meant for you. Someone who can give you what you deserve."

Nadine shakes her head. "James is it for me, Yassi."

"Nadz-"

"I guess this is my karma. I broke up his marriage, his family and I broke his little girl's heart. I guess this is my punishment, to live miserably without the man I love," she says, crying uncontrollably.

"Hey, listen to me. You're wrong. I agree, you and James never should have happened but you never planned for it to happen. You tried to stay away, remember?" says Yassi, trying to comfort her.

"But it still happened. If only I had the courage to really stay away, if I had been stronger and turned my back, it never would have gotten this far. No one would have gotten hurt. It's all my fault."

"Nadine, you're not a monster. Please don't think that way about yourself."

"But I am, Yas. I am."

She gets up from her seat and gathers her things.

"Where are you going?" asks Yassi.

"I'm gonna go take a walk. I'll call you later."

***

"Hey, Lustre!" greets Michael.

"Woah! You don't look so great," he says, scanning her from head to toe.

Nadine's ignores him and continues reading the files on her desk.

"I was just kidding, Nadine," he says.

"What are you doing tonight?" Michael asked.

"Uhm, I-"

"It's my birthday and we're all going out to dinner to celebrate."