Special Boy // phan

-21-

"Dan, listen I-" Phil's voice piped, strained like he had been crying. I almost felt bad for him, because I knew he felt bad. I did. I knew that he wasn't the kind of guy to relish in this, and that he would take any punishment I deemed worthy. And I almost wanted to hear him out, see what he had to say for himself.

Almost.

"Do not fucking touch me!" I screamed, wrenching myself  away from his hand on my shoulder. He pulled his arm toward himself like my words had burned him, and took a step back from me. My hands were curled into fists and my heart was pounding. Phil.

There were so many words I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to scream and confess and slur at him. I wanted to tell him that I started to love him. I wanted to tell him that I would never forget about this. I wanted to tell him that he was the worst kind of person, that I wish he never existed. I wanted to say so much, but I could barely breathe and words were not going to come out of my mouth. So Phil decided to speak.

"Dan... I... I'm sorry." Possibly the last thing I wanted to hear from him. I wanted to be mad, I wanted to scream at him. But his heartfelt apology, his tear filled eyes, the way his tall stature seemed to shrink under my gaze. And I couldn't see him as the man who slept with me while I was drunk. He seemed like the Phil I had met in a coffee shop as the sun set outside, the boy who held me gently as we floated through the stars, a boy, a sobbing boy, who blubbered an apology to me for something I didn't even feel like happened.

Except it did happen. And I'm not going to forget that.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry. I should never have done it in the first place, but I shouldn't have kept it from you. I shouldn't have lied to you." Something made a noise in Phil's pocket but he ignored it. "I really like you Dan. I like you a lot. And you are-" the buzzer went off again and Phil flinched. "You are the last person in the entire world I'd want to hurt. I think-" the noise was louder this time, more fervent, and I sighed.

"Someone needs you Phil."

"I need my sidekick." I just shook my head. "Dan, please, I'm so so sorry."

"I..." I took a deep breath. "I know you are." There were so many more things I wanted to say. "I just don't forgive you." I turned around and, with a deep breath and all the self restraint it took not to turn around and look at Phil, I walked into the building.

When I finally allowed myself to glance back at Phil, he was gone.

I sighed, deeply, and took my seat in the back of the classroom. This was really the only class I didn't know or care about anyone in, so I let myself sink into my seat and let myself get lost in the droning words of the professor.

An incoming text startled me out of my zoned-out state, and I sat up quickly, causing a loud noise to surprise half the class into staring my way. I smiled apologetically, my face burning.

Reaching into my pocket as discreetly as possible, I made sure to angle my laptop in a way that the professor wouldn't be able to see me reading off my phone, and slid it open.

Hey Danny! You in class?

Mum always seemed to use exclamation points instead of full stops. It always made me smile.

I am, but it's no big deal. You good?

She took a while to respond, so I was debating  on whether or not to put my phone away, when her message finally came through.

I think we should go see Dr. Kjellberg tomorrow!

My heart dropped. I knew she was trying to do this to make me feel better, as I always did when we went for my abnormality check-ups, but I knew that I was only going to feel worse when my doctor told me, yet again, as all the doctors have since I was ten, that I'm not special.

But I could never say no to my mum. Besides, she was moving it up a week to make me feel better. I knew that. She was checking up on me, after everything that had happened for the past few weeks. I hadn't answered a few of her calls or texts while I was in my stupor,  and I felt bad about that. My dad has even texted me, which wasn't that frequent. In fact, a lot of people I didn't know cared about me texted me a lot. Louise, for one, who I didn't know even still had my number, texted me about three days in asking if I was okay. That made me feel good, but I only realised that later. It made me feel really nice knowing that I had more allies than I ever thought.

Okay :) what time do you think?

Mum didn't respond right away, so I decided to tuck my phone back into my pocket.

Then I pat it again.

Then I checked all my other pockets.

Shit. My wallet's gone.

Remembering vaguely about the pick-pocket that's been running around on campus, I left class with a groan. PJ and Chris were chatting just outside, and smiled as they saw me.

"That good, huh?" Chris joked, noting my groan. I groaned again.

"My wallet-" I started, but PJ produced something from his pocket.

"This is yours," he grinned, shoving my black, flaking wallet into my hand. Mouth agape, I opened it up to check for everything that was in it.

All my cash. My ID. My student card. It all was in there. I glanced up at PJ.

"Are you the pickpocket? Why didn't you just tell me? We could have split the loot," I joked, looking through the money I had to make sure there was at least most of it left.

"I wish! No... actually, Phil had it." I felt my body freeze up, but then worked through it, counting to my last pound. "He caught the pickpocket and... well, knew that was yours. He gave it to me to give to you."

I slowly pulled out the long strip of purple paper I didn't remember being hidden between a few pounds in the back pocket, and examined the black ink that adorned it.

Dan, look, I know you have me blocked and you never want to see me again and I understand that. I deserve it. But if you ever feel like you want to be my sidekick again, we have to meet with Charlie. I know you probably don't want to, and that's probably exactly what I deserve. You deserve to out me to the world as what I am.

But if you want to stay in the business, please meet me at LAHQ Sunday at noon. I'll drive you, or you can drive me, or I can just give you an address and we'll meet there together. I just wanted to let you know that I care about you. And I want you to be happy.

-Phil