Special Boy // phan

-29-

"I'm honoured," Phil sighed, leaning against the window. That was not the reaction I was hoping for.

"I know you don't understand what it's like," I spat, "not having a power, having nothing to show for this miserable excuse for a life, because you have one, you have everything. But this is a big deal, Phil. A big deal for me. At least pretend you're not as upset as me about having you in my life." Phil shut his eyes, tight, like he suddenly had a massive headache. I could tell he was itching to get out of my car, just like I was.

"Charlie said... said that you have a Bad." Like an enormous carpet being pulled out from under me, like all of my insides getting sucked down to my feet, like suddenly I was breathing ash instead of air, my world collapsed. A Bad. I should have known I'd get a Bad. I wasn't good enough for a power, and when I finally get one, it's something terrible.

That being said, I still didn't understand exactly what my power was. I didn't understand what was expected of me, and I certainly didn't understand why Charlie did.

"B-but... what is it?"

"That's all he told me. I chased after you before he could continue. But I lost you," Phil said, and he finally turned to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, but then pulled away, like he thought I would crumble under his touch. "Dan, I still like you. I'll always like you. No matter what your power is. I don't care if you could kill people with a click of your fingers, or blow up the world with just a thought. I know you. I know who you are and what you do. So just let me tell you that I love you and we can... can..." Phil and I both realised he said that he loved me at the same time, and both pairs eyes went wide. "We can figure this out together," he whispered.

My heart was pounding. Phil loved me. He said it and didn't expect me to say it back. I didn't know if I wanted to say it back.

But Phil loved me.

Without saying anything, I leaned forward and pressed our lips together.

It was fantastic. Kissing Phil was like shedding away all the armour, all the layers I had grown to protect myself, every single wall I've built, weathered and steadfast, walls so no one could hurt me again. Kissing Phil made all the anger and sadness and fear melt away until I was fully emerged in just him, and the thought that everything was gonna be okay if he just didn't take his lips off mine raced around on my head like a carousel on fast forward. Kissing Phil didn't feel familiar like everything else with him did, but even if it did it would be amazing. Kissing Phil made me want to fall in love again.

"Wow," Phil breathed after pausing, panting as we pulled away. He and I were still almost pressed together, eyes shut gently and mouths open slightly. My body begged me to lurch toward him, to pull him back in, to kiss him and never let him pull away again.

"I think you're my power, Phil," I mumbled, still gripping the centre consul like it was the only thing I had left. I coudln't decipher my thoughts; I wanted more than anything to kiss Phil again, but deep inside of me, the primal urge to discover what my power was actually drove me to stay stuck in this limbo between forward and back. I wanted Phil to make the next move, but at the same time, I wanted to be the one in control, I wanted to have-

To have the power.

"Kind of funny, don't you think?" Phil mumbled, as if he didn't just hear my confession. "The Super in love with the Bad guy." I felt myself nod and lean back, finally breaking the spell that seemed to have been cast on us.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Phil's entire body went rigid; I could see it out of the corner of my eye as I sat up and grabbed the steering wheel again.

"Of course," he mumbled. "That's... that's so weird to hear again."

We drove in silence toward Building B, both looking for words to say. Was I in love with Phil? I wanted to say no. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to hate love, I wanted to be stoic and decisive, and never let myself be tricked into loving another boy.

But Phil wasn't a trick. Falling for him wasn't an accident. There's something about him, something about the way he held me and the way he didn't. Something about the way that in the few months he'd known me, he'd come to know me better than anyone ever had before. Something about him wanted me to be his sidekick, wanting so badly to learn my power and really not caring that there wasn't one.

Something about him kissing my hand and me feeling that burst, like something inside of me was finally released. Something about his lips on mine that sent electricity racing through my mind and my head and my body. It was like kissing a plasma ball, one that sent such pleasant waves through my body.

I didn't know what I wanted. I just knew I wanted Phil.

We pulled into my car port, and I pulled Phil into another kiss.

Nothing made sense. But I wasn't going to have to figure anything out until the morning. For now, I was going to revel in Phil's lips, his body, his sighs. The way he moved and touched my face gently with the tips of his fingers.

Phil eventually decided he was going to fly me from the car to my dorm, and I wasn't about to complain. I didn't want to bother with the stairs, all the way up to the third floor, and it had been a while since I trusted that old elevator. He wrapped his arms around me tight and we flew up into the air, just like the first time, the universe surrounding us and I buried my face into his chest.

Nothing made sense, but, for now, I was okay with it. Everything was balanced, and everything was fine. I'd figure everything out after a night spent with the man I was falling for.

But then, Phil fell from the sky.