Special Boy // phan

-23-

"Hey!" Phil said, stepping back in shock as I opened the door to Good Mythical Morning, clutching my winter coat around my body. This is a bad idea. "I... I got you a hot chocolate." He was leaning against the counter, looking up at the clock that was right above the door of the tiny shop. His posture made it seem like he was there for a while. And I knew why; I was thirty five minutes late. I wasn't actually expecting him to still be here. I had decided on a whim to come. I was debating with myself, back and forth, about whether or not to. I had decided no. But then... here I was.

"Thanks," I mumbled, taking the cup from his hands. I just held it to warm up my frosty fingers; my stomach was twisting too much for me to even think about drinking it. Not that I would.

"So... do you... do you want to... to talk or... or just go, or..?"

"Let's just go," I said quickly, turning on my heel. I had driven here, but I knew Phil was expecting me to drive him. I didn't want to, but I knew that I should. As much as I really didn't want to, I needed to talk to him. I needed to figure things out. There had to have been a reason everyone didn't tell me about it. A reason I didn't remember it but felt like I had known Phil forever. I wanted to hear his side of the story.

I just didn't want to hear it from him.

"Dan..." Phil whispered, reaching out his hand to me, almost as if he was going to touch my shoulder. And I was seconds from pulling away. But he stopped. His hand just hovered for a few seconds, and then he retracted, clearing his throat. "Dan," he said again, "do you want to drive? Or drive your own car?"

"I'll drive you, if that's okay," I said as fast as I could, forcing the words from my mouth so I didn't rethink what I was going to say. "If you'll let me."

"Yeah! Yeah, of- of course, yeah, here." He pushed his key ring into my hand, carefully avoiding touching my skin, and studied my face as I studied the keys. They all looked new, polished, which I'm sure they were when I first held them in my hand, but for some reason they felt so foreign. Like, somehow, they didn't tarnish in the billion years that I had felt pass since I last saw them. My mind was reeling as I realised that the only thing deteriorating since I had first driven Phil's car was me.

The seat was warm, and I tried not to think it was because of Phil, though I knew it to be true. We were silent the entire time we walked from the cafe to his car in the car port, not even twenty meters away, and the quiet was pressing down on me like an enormous thumb. I was a disgusting bug in need of squashing, and that's all I felt, deep into my soul.

But I was already feeling better about the whole thing, even though we hadn't spoken yet. It was the way Phil made me feel, like he had made me feel back before I knew all this happened. The very scent of him seeping into my bloodstream and making me wonder why I hadn't fallen in love with him sooner. I didn't want to feel better, not until I had yelled at him, screamed, hit him, hurt him, but Phil was still... Phil. He was still bright and bubbly and happy and cheesy, he was still the guy I had met in Good Mythical Morning, even though he didn't seem so happy now. As much as I wanted him to suddenly grow fangs and for his eyes to go red, so I could be mad, so I could hate him, I couldn't. There's just something about him.

"Thank you," Phil suddenly said, shattering the silence like a window pane, shards of it falling on my head and startling me out of my stupor. I blinked, hand still on the key to start the car.

"For what?" I asked, not because I didn't know why, but because I didn't know which why.

"For... for coming. For being here. For not beating me up, even though I know I deserve it. For still speaking to me and for.... everything. For existing." I didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded, and Phil turned away from me to look out the window. The light was fading away as the sun disappeared below the horizon, smearing a pink and orange glow across the sky. I took a deep breath.

"What are we going to do... wherever we're going?" I asked softly, turning right as Phil's GPS instructed me to. Phil shrugged.

"I guess Charlie wants to get you registered or something. Figure out where to send the check I guess. Or maybe figure you out." I nodded. "Just a reminder, he can... well he..." Phil was at a loss for words. "He reads minds. But I'm not bringing you here to get your mind read. I'm really not. I'm taking you because Charlie asked me to. If you want to tell me what's going on in your head, then do. But if you... well if you don't want to then I won't ask Charlie." Phil was rambling but I let him continue. "But he can't help but read you. He reads a lot of people. A lot of not great people. So he's.... I don't know...."

"It's okay Phil," I said softly, hands gripping the wheel like they were my only lifeline, my only tether to reality, the only thing preventing me from floating off into space, a familiar feeling from a very long time ago.

"No," Phil mumbled as we turned into the car port of the big white and purple building with a big L and A written on the side. "It's not." He smiled, sadly, and I felt a grin force my lips up too. It was him saying sorry again without saying sorry. Which, somehow, made it more meaningful.

We both got out of the car and started walking. Into the LAHQ. Into my future. And I to see the man who knew what I was thinking.