I've learned to act so well that I don't fake smiles, I fake happiness until it becomes real, until I convince even myself that it's not an act and never has been. But then the trouble starts, because deep down, I know it was an act, I know I forced myself out of that pit and I start wondering if I've only painted scenery on the walls, if I'm only pretending to be out, to be free.
And then I'm in it again, and I'm not sure if I've broken through an illusion or created a new one.
And so I create illusion after illusion, or do I break them, one after another, or am I truly climbing in and out of that pit? You see, I've learned to act so well that I no longer know the difference between illusion and reality. When I can forget this, everything is solid and good, but inevitably I remember, I question, and through my questions I destroy both illusion and reality and plummet downwards until I reach a new reality, until I wonder if I've only constructed that as well.
But that's the secret, isn't it? It only stops being real when I question it. So from the point when I forget it's an act to the point I "remember" it is, it isn't an act. It is real, it is genuine. It is just as real as anything else. So long as I can accept the present moment as being real, no matter how I got there, depression will be nothing more than a bad memory. If I can force myself to be happy, I will be happy. If you are in a place, it does not matter if you purposefully came there or just happened across it—how you got there does not change the fact that you are there. So it doesn't matter if you force an emotion and it becomes real. You cannot prove the past ever existed, nor that the future will ever exist, so stop trying to disprove the present! It's all we have, so enjoy it. Just accept that it is real and everything will fall into place neat as you please. You are the master of yourself—you are the master of your world. Stop searching for the cause of things, stop searching for who's in charge. You are the cause of things, you are in charge. Everything is real until you say it's not. So make your depression an illusion, make your happiness real, and it will happen.
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The Philosophy of Life, the Universe, and Everything
SpiritualEvery now and then I get into a philosophical mood and start wondering about such things as our purpose here and what might be beyond death. This is the result of such wonderings. || Highest rankings: #3 Random thoughts, Regret; #2 Philosophy, Sel...
