empty nights

the terrible trio

Do you know what depression is?

Its staying up until ungodly hours of the night with the t.v on and your earbuds in

Just to avoid the empty darkness leaking out of your head and into your room.

It's wanting to die but fearing the thought so much,

you're reduced to a sobbing panic attack.

Its being afraid to sleep alone in the dark,

Not because of the monster your parent or sibling told you about to scare you all those years ago

But the monster depression introduced you to

We'll call this monster anxiety.

Anxiety loves to scare you,

Not with his hideous face

But with his terrifying questions that always start with "what if"

How could that possibly be so bad you ask?

Well depression and anxiety are a team

Now if you're as lucky as me you also have their satanic love child we've so lovingly named Insomnia.

They are the unstoppable trio.

Insomnia keeps you up until those ungodly hours

While depression entertains you with those awful situations from years ago that you've been trying to forget since they happened

Then depression takes a break while anxiety and insomnia attack you with those damned what ifs

What if your best friend doesn't really like you?

What if none of your friends like you?

What if everyone talks about you behind your back?

What if people only hang out with you out of pity?

What if everyone wants you to die?

Then depression, anxiety, and insomnia finally come together in this awful harmony.

And those questions just get worse.

What if your sick dog dies while you're sleeping?

What if you die tomorrow?

What if your family gets murdered?

What if you get kidnapped and no one notices?

OR even better, no one cares?..

That is a night in my tainted shoes.

Now a day is much worse.

You have to face actual real life people.

And those questions are still speeding through your mind like a cheetah after a rabbit.

And you just have to listen and ponder.

What makes this whole shit fest worse,

Is that you have to smile all day, no matter what

Because if you don't, then you're noticed and interrogated like a lost child

But you don't want that

You don't want anyone to know that you almost gave in to that nagging, suicidal voice in your head last night

But you desperately need someone to know that you almost gave in to that nagging, suicidal voice in your head last night.

So you smile and say you're great

Waiting for someone to notice the fake smile on your face,

Like a dog waiting for the ok to eat the treat resting on his nose.

But you never get the ok,

Because no one ever sees the treat on your nose.

So you sit and suffer in silence for years,

Waiting for the ok that never comes.

And that, my friends is depression at its finest.