Welcome Back... (NaLu)

Different

Natsu's POV

It's been a year and a half since Lucy left to train, but it's felt like a life time to me. I changed when she left. I fell into some kind of depression. When I realized this, I felt even more selfish. I know Lucy would want me to be strong, to live my life while she's gone. Not to put it on hold like I am, but I can't help it. I feel so helpless, I don't know what I'm supposed to do some days. I couldn't imagine doing business as usual without knowing she's safe, that she's happy, that she's seeing progress. So instead I wait. Day after day, hour after hour. I wait.

I've shut myself out, but I still come to the guild. I don't really talk to anyone, only Happy when I have to. Gray doesn't bother me anymore, and I only go on jobs every now and then just for food money. I would be able to use the money Happy and I saved up, but I'm using that to pay off Lucy's rent to make sure she has a place to come back to.

I'm lonely, but the guild can't help with that. I'm just silently waiting for Lucy to return. I come to the guild early in the morning so I can find a place to sit and listen to music. I usually don't leave that spot during the day. I rarly even sleep at my own home. If I'm not on a job, at the guild, I'm probably at Lucy's apartment.

I have nightmares about her. Ones where she sends a message saying she's happier there and she's not coming back, ones where I never hear from her again. I had one once where she came back and she was a totally different person, and not in the good way. Her personality had been totally altered and she hated me. Though, on occasion, I'll have a good dream about her. She comes home stronger than ever, smarter than ever. She tells me she loves me, I'm happy again. Her eyes shine like starlight, her laugh warms me like the sun in spring, and her body against mine is almost tangible in the way I can convince myself she's here with me. It's those dreams that keep me going, that keep my hopes bright for her return.