Animorphs 2.0

The Revelation

Yet none of that was possible. My relationship with Ax here, though close, was not on the level I wanted it to be on to be able to talk to him about Elfangor. Even more so, in this world, my only knowledge of him was when I met him. When he....died.

In the end, I elected not to say anything. I felt it would only bring more pain to me, and confusion to Aximili. However, it seemed the choice was taken away from me.

One night, I sat on Rachel's windowsill, talking to her. I saw worry in her eyes I didn't understand. I knew she cared for me, but this seemed more than usual. When a pause in the conversation turned into a long silence, I began to become wary. Was there something she wanted to tell me? I asked her so.

She was silent for a moment before blurting, "What happened to you, Tobias?"

I was a little taken aback. I didn't understand. "What do you mean?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend you don't know. It's like one day, you woke up and changed. I know you like being by yourself, but come on, Tobias; this is getting ridiculous. You know I'm here for you, you don't have to be afraid to speak to me."

No. I thought, sighing. Now that I realized what she was saying, I stiffened, trying to block out my emotions. I could not talk about this. I wouldn't. She couldn't make me tell her the thing I'd been avoiding for so long. <I'm not afraid.> I said.

"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

<Nothing's wrong.> I whispered.

"Come on, Tobias!" Realizing she might have been too loud, she paused to listen if anyone had woken up, but I could hear the house was still silent. She continued in a lower tone. "I know you Tobias, something's bothering you. I can see you're hurting, and you don't want to let it out. But if you don't, it will continue to grow until it consumes and destroys you."

I sighed. Her logic was sound, but still. <I can't tell you.> I said, quietly.

"Why not?" The care in her voice touched me. On top of all the confusion and pity telling her would bring, my biggest reason for not sharing was my fear. Ever since I came here, I'd been avoiding talking about my dad. How I loved him, how much I missed him. If I told her now, all I'd bottled up with in me would explode, and I wasn't sure if I'd survive.

<Rachel, please don't.>

"I want to help you." She pleaded.

<You can't!> I screamed, unable to take it anymore. <You can't understand, no one can! You can't help me.> This was it. I had breached my wall and there was no going back. I felt a lump in my throat, but no tears came. In my hawk body I had no release. Hopping down from the windowsill to the floor, I began to change. When the morph was complete, I lay curled up in my human body on the floor, great wracking sobs shaking my body. As I cried I began to whisper to my father out loud.

"Dad..." I breathed through my tears, "Dad...I miss you...Dad." I could not stop shaking. Rachel slid down from her bed to sit next to me, and began stroking my hair with her fingers. My whispers were too quiet for her to hear, but she knew I was not alright. She did not tell me it was okay, since she knew it wasn't and she didn't tell me she could help, since she wasn't sure she could. When I finally stopped shaking, she whispered in my ear,

"Tell me."

I had no strength left to argue. She'd been right. All my pain had been bottled up, and now that it was free, the only way to deal with it would be to tell her. "It's my father." I said.

I'd told her who my father really was, all the Animorphs knew, but she was still confused. She let me continue, however, remaining silent until I did. I told her about my life. How I'd been raised by my parents, my mother's sacrifice, my father forming the Animorphs. She kept silent throughout my story, wondering how it could be true, but letting me finish. I got to the part with the Ellimist and stopped. So far, all I'd said had simply reminded me of my father. The pain had just been about missing him, the feeling of wishing for something I'd once had. This was different. I could not bring myself to tell her what I'd seen. I did not have to.

"The Ellimist showed me...." I'd stopped, but she continued for me.

"The Ellimist showed you your father's death." She whispered. I gave her no confirmation of that fact, yet she needed none. She knew I was in a lot of pain.

Once it was out there, without me having had to say it, I was able to continue. I told her the other things the Ellimist'd shown me, and finally, my decision to leave. She made no comment when I was done, perhaps since she knew nothing would suffice. But before the end of the night, I was feeling much better. We said nothing else to each other that night, not until – back in my hawk form – I stepped outside on the ledge ready to fly out, and she said,

"Goodnight, Tobias." I nodded to her and flew away.

After that, it was not much harder to tell Ax. I did it the next day. It was easier than I'd assumed it would be. The one part was the Ellimist. I knew how the Andalites felt about him. I was also scared that Ax would be angry with me, thinking I was comparing him to something, or trying to take his brother away from him, which I wasn't. I couldn't have been further from the truth. Ax's only response to my story was comfort and sympathy. He even gave me a hug, something I had wanted from him since I'd arrived here. When I had prepared for the worst, the love of my best friend, and the girl I cared for had shown me how much I was cared for, and how even here, I would never be alone.