"EEEK, GET IT BOO BEAR!" None other than our beloved Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III screamed as he clambered on top of a side table, successfully knocking over a lamp.
"Smooth." Joe said, picking up a shoe moving towards the offending beast.
"NO NOT ONE OF MY SHOES! GET YOUR OWN!" Pete demanded from across the room.
"Do you want me to kill this thing or not?" Joe replied.
"No! I mean yes! Just get rid of it before it tries to crawl into our brains and steal our secrets!" Pete pleaded, not moving from his perch.
"Dude, it's a spider, not a government operative." Joe sighed, going in for the kill.
Before Joe could serve the arachnid its terrible fate, Patrick bursted in with someone on his heels. That someome was none other than
J O H N C E N A *enter music here*.
"Wait wait wait!" John Cena says, stopping everyone in their tracks. "That's not a spider, that's my mother!"
*collective gasps*
"Your mother?" Joe asked, perplexed as any sane person would be.
"Yes, his mother." Patrick filled in. "Funny story actually, I met Mr. Cena here at the grocery store while I was picking up some of that fungal creme for Andy that time he got into that crossfit accident."
By this point, John Cena had got his mom off the wall where she was chilling before Joe almost murdered her.
"-and then he said 'that's not a squirrel, that's my sister!" Pat said, finishing up his anecdote.
"So you're telling me that somehow, someway, a spider gave birth to a human? A whole John Cena?" Joe asked, baffled why nobody else was questioning this.
"Yep." Said Patrick. "Which reminds me of another funny story..."
"So Mr. Cena," Pete started, laying on the charm, "is Daddy Cena around? I'm sure your mother gets very lonely sometimes."
"What the hell is happening?" Joe questioned just as Pete scored Spider Cena's number and Patrick finished up his second anecdote about milk or something.
"Get with the program Joe, we're all just glitches in the matr-"
Andy chose that exact moment to interrupt Pete and tell everyone very important news.
"Water is wet, bro." Andy says before dissolving into thin air, never to be seen again.
And the lesson of this story, kids; don't be too wöke, in fear that you too, could become like Andy, faded, dissolved, n o t h i n g n e s s, memeable.
~ ~ ~
Guess who's not dead.
I'll update this more often, I promise.
$t@y w0kê kidz
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That's Fucked Up
RandomA bunch of random short stories that are mostly wtf's. Read at your own risk.
