Saving you (kuroken)

Chapter 18

epilogue

_

"Kuro."

His eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar voice and he slowly sat up to see Kenma with his familiar monotone expression.

Kuroo sighed as he patted the spot beside him and let Kenma sit beside him.

"I've been searching everywhere for you." Kuroo explained as Kenma looked up at him curiously.

"Yeah, I heard." Kenma mumbled as he placed his phone down on the grass before turning completely on Kuroo. "You wanted to tell me something?"

The taller took a deep breath as he smiled down at his best friend.

His heart was beating fast from excitement and his lips were pulled back with contentment.

Kuroo waited so long to say it to Kenma and today was the day.

"I-I love you, Kenma." Kuroo spoke as he watched the blonde's expression expecting the things he prepared himself for- but he saw nothing.

And it was like that for a while.

Kuroo nervously gulped as he waited for a reaction but Kenma's face was frozen into a monotone expression.

"I love you." He repeated and Kenma's head tilted to the side in confusion.

"Yes, I heard you." He spoke quietly and small chuckles left his lips- Kuroo didn't understand what was happening.

"Wake up, Kuroo." Kenma reached out to grip his best friend's hand and he felt inhumanely cold that Kuroo's heart that once was beating fast with excitement now raced with excessive fear.

"I love you too. I really really do." He sighed and gave his hand a tight squeeze. "But this isn't reality."

Kenma smiled back up at him sadly but the scene seemed like a piece of paper being ripped apart.

Kuroo's eyes snapped open and his heart clenched as he realized another painful day was beginning.

It was the same dream and it's been that same dream for two years now.
It still hurts the same and it will stay that way.

Kuroo wasn't going to move on from Kenma and he accepted that long ago.

It surprised him, how he went on with his life and how he could survive extreme pain.

He was alive but not living.

"Kenma." Kuroo sighed as he stared up at the plain white ceiling, letting his tears fall freely.

"Hey, Kuroo!" the door swung open and Yaku barged in, completely oblivious to what was happening until he saw the man. "I-I'm sorry. I'm going to leave." Yaku mumbled as turned to the door.

He didn't know that Kuroo still cried over Kenma because he acted fine.
He smiled, he ate, he didn't stay locked up in his room all day- well, at first he did. It was even worse for Kuroo when he learned that Kenma's parents died a year before he did but it didn't last long. The following days, Kuroo acted like nothing happened and Yaku thought he lived happily.

"No. Stay, please." Kuroo whispered and it was barely audible but Yaku heard it.

Slowly, he walked towards the man and reluctantly sat at the edge of Kuroo's bed.

"Bad dreams?" Yaku asked and Kuroo hoisted himself up, his tears now dry.

"Bad dream." Kuroo corrected as he ran his fingers through his messy hair.

"Are you okay?" Yaku asked worriedly and it took Kuroo a long while to answer

"I don't think I'll ever be." Kuroo muttered as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Do you... C-can you still take the bar exams today?"

Through the dark, Yaku could see Kuroo's lips lift into a small smile.

"I can." He breathed out. "Kenma wants-... Wanted me to do it and it's the only chance I have to fix myself."

Kuroo realized Bokuto was right.

To help someone when you're in the brink of destruction as well was impossible.

You can't save someone when you can't even save yourself and he was taking a step forward to fix himself today.

end.