Behind The Scene

CHAPTER 28

Over the next few days, I tried to put Dalton's appearance out of my mind. But no matter where I went, or what I was doing, I couldn't help but begin to look over my shoulder for possible signs of him. I hated the feeling of not being able to relax, but for the time being, until I knew that he was going to leave me alone for good, it was what it was.
Ross hadn't mentioned anything about that night since, though there was a clear shift in his demeanour whenever I was due to work. He attempted to hide it from me, but every time we discussed my shift patterns for the week, he stiffened and made a quick exit from the room.
I yawned as I crossed the kitchen, my head still foggy from the late night after work. It had been a busy shift at the club, and I was still doing private dances up 'til closing time at three am. By the time that I'd gotten home and into bed, there wasn't long before Ross's alarm was going off for the start of his shift.
"Stay safe out there," I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck as he prepared to head off for his shift.
"Always," He replied, kissing me back and grabbing his bag from the coatstand, "What are you doing today, besides going back to bed for some sleep?"
He emphasised the end of his question, making it less of a query and more of an order.
"No time for that, I have an audition this afternoon, then work later."
There it was again. I noted the tick in his jaw and the way that his hand clenched the bag strap tighter than necessary.
"You should still try and get some rest. You must be shattered."
"I'll be fine, I promise." I smiled, fighting off yet another yawn.
"Okay, if you insist," He relented, "Best of luck, you got this," He added proudly, and with a final quick kiss, he glanced at the clock and made his leave.
"Alone again," I sighed, crossing my arms and staring around at the empty apartment.
Deciding to get some fresh air to perk myself up, I took a shower, had a bite to eat and then grabbed my script for today's audition and headed out for the beach.
Everything felt better when I was at the beach. With the warm sun, soft sand and clean, fresh air, my problems just felt much less overwhelming. Looking out over the ocean, I felt so small in such a vast world and it made me feel lighter. Buying a drink from a nearby stall, I set up a comfortable place on the beach and spent the following hour going over my script in my head, contemplating how I was going to play the role. With the warming sun on my skin, it didn't take me long to relax, and as it began to beam bright off of the page, my eyes drifted closed and sleep overwhelmed me.
A shrill squeal and loud laughing woke me up with a start. Jolting up, my script fell against the sand and I gasped at the sight of the streaks of orange starting to line the darkening blue sky. I quickly checked my phone and felt instantly sick at the sight of the time. I'd been asleep for over two hours, and now only had twenty-five minutes to get to the studio for my audition. My heart threw itself against my rib cage, so hard that I thought it might break through at any moment. I cursed my own stupidity as I picked up my shoes and ran barefooted across the sand, reaching my car and throwing everything inside in a hurry.
It was the most reckless driving that I'd ever done in my life as I practically floored it all the way across town, narrowly avoiding a garbage can as I took a corner at speed and finally spun into the parking lot. I threw the door open as soon as I cut the engine and was out of the car and rifling through my trunk for spare clothes in seconds.
"C'mon, c'mon," I repeated on a loop as I searched for a jacket that would do to cover my far-too-casual t-shirt. "Aha!"
I shook out the slightly crumpled black blazer and then shrugged it on, switching my sandals for a pair of flats then dashing toward the door.
The receptionist looked up in surprise when I screeched to a halt in front of her, hurrying to tame my hair with my hands whilst pasting a smile on my face.
"Hi, I'm Selena McCall, I'm here to audition for Mr Lamonte," I explained.
She arched a perfectly shaped brow at me, her polite smile twisting into a slight grimace as she swept her gaze over my disorganised form.
"Very well," She replied cooly, "The last few contenders are in a room just along here if you could follow me please."
She stepped out from behind her desk and led me along a narrow hallway, into a large waiting area equipped with a mini kitchen.
"Help yourself to coffee," She nodded before leaving.
It had sounded like a suggestion, and when I turned around, it became apparent that she wasn't the only one who was looking down their nose at me. Of the four women in the room, there wasn't a single face that didn't glare at me with contempt or disapproval. I drifted toward the kitchen, more to distance myself from the others than anything else, and attempted to get a proper look at myself in the reflection on the refrigerator door. Professionalism was certainly lacking as I took in the torn denim shorts and 'sex on the beach' camisole that I'd worn earlier, whilst I still intended on making it back in time to change. Not to mention the lack of make-up, and particles of sand that were still stuck to my clothes and hair. As subtly as I could manage, I combed my fingers through my long locks, ridding as much sand as possible, then did up an extra couple of buttons on my blazer and tugged a lip balm from my pocket, hoping that a little touch of cherry red colour to my lips would make a difference.
The room slowly emptied, and when it finally came to be my turn, I stepped forward with as much confidence as I could manage, all the while my stomach twisted and twined into knots.
"Thank you for this opportunity," I began, handing out my headshots to the two men who were heading up the auditions.
One man made a non-committal grunt, not looking up as he continued to scrawl across his papers. The other opened his mouth to speak, then rapidly closed it as he took in my appearance. Clearing his throat, he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.
"You're very lucky to have been given this opportunity," He said firmly, "Many women in this city would fight tooth and nail for a chance."
"I know," I assured him, "I take this incredibly seriously, and I hope that I can prove that to you."
He considered me for a moment, then leant in to whisper in his colleague's ear. Nerves were taking hold rapidly, my palms sweating as I began to feel nauseous awaiting their instruction to proceed. The other man finally looked up and immediately looked irritated. There was a small, hushed, exchange and eventually, the first man informed me that they were ready.
I stepped forward to my mark and took a calming breath, preparing to start the scene. But as soon as I caught their eyes, I stumbled out of the gate, tripping over the first few words and bungling the next three lines altogether. I tried to rake it back, but I could feel their disapproval radiating off of them in waves, and what started off bad, soon became unbearably awful.
"That's enough," The first man interrupted, taking off his square spectacles and rubbing at his lined forehead in exasperation.
I wrung my hands together, close to tears at the largest audition fuck up I'd ever made, and awaited his critique.
"I honestly can't understand why you're here, Miss McCall."
"I-"
"No, I'm talking," He said harshly, raising his hand to silence me. "You arrive late, in a state of utter disarray, I might add. You look more like you're set for a beach barbecue than a professional appointment, and then proceed to completely waste our time on an audition that you clearly haven't prepared for."
"I have!" I called out, cutting across him, "I have prepared, I just had a late night at work last night, and it threw me off my game, I promise you, I'm not usually like this."
"It's enough of a sign if you're like this at all," The other man interjected, his round face scrunched up with distaste. "In this business, you will be overworked, you'll be tired, and sick and go through a multitude of emotional and physical difficulties, and throughout them all, your utter professionalism is key. It is the mark of someone who can make it in this life."
"Exactly," His colleague agreed with a nod, "There are no off days, no moments where you can just wing it and hope for the best. Acting needs to be your entire world, you must live it, breathe it, exist on it to get by. I don't get that from you, I'm not sure you want it."
I was barely containing my tears as I listened to them rapidly shredding my ambitions.
"I do, I want it," I said earnestly.
"That's not enough," He shrugged. "If you want to stand a chance, you need to be willing to go the extra mile to get to where you want to be. You have to want this with everything you have and be willing to do anything to get it."
I felt completely crushed as they excused me with little politeness or patience.
Retreating to my car, I slumped over the steering wheel, and let the tears flow, feeling more of a failure than ever. Maybe they were right. Maybe I wasn't cut out as a Hollywood actress. Maybe it wasn't who I was. My phone chimed in my pocket and I wiped the tears away roughly, pressing my home button and seeing a text from Ross on the screen.
How'd it go? I'm guessing great? I want to hear all about it when I get home tomorrow, I love you my little A-Lister. X
I couldn't bear to tell him the truth. The idea of confessing that he'd given his life back home up for my failed auditions stung more than I could admit. I hit reply and did what I was getting better at these days... lying.
Yeah, it went great! I got a part, will tell you tomorrow. Love you too. Xx
I watched it send, a knot forming in my stomach at the lie, all the while assuring myself that it wasn't so bad, that I could cover up the time I'd supposedly be spending filming, with extra club shifts. At least it would bring in the money to cover what I'd be getting from a small part on a show. I convinced myself that it was a necessity to lie and that I was doing it for his sake, until eventually, my tired brain began to resist, just wanting to shut all thoughts out for the time being. And with that in mind, I set off for the place where I did that best. Work.