Behind The Scene

CHAPTER 19

Dizzy, sick, terrified... they were all things I was feeling as I looked between my boyfriend and my boss. Why the hell was he here? Completely oblivious to my inner turmoil, Ross finished his coffee, getting to his feet.
"I should go shower, I've gotta make an appearance at the station in a couple of hours," He said, pausing long enough to kiss my cheek, before sweeping off to the bathroom.
Once I could hear the water running, and was sure he was safely out of earshot, I rounded on Charlie, scurrying forward so that there was no way Ross would hear me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I muttered angrily.
"I came to talk about what happened," He nodded in the direction Ross had just left in, "When did he get back?"
I straightened up, my stomach churning as I looked at Charlie and was forced to remember what I'd done.
"He surprised me not long after I got home."
He looked sympathetic as he nodded slowly to himself.
"I didn't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to make sure that things weren't awkward when you came into work."
I felt bad as I took a moment to truly see Charlie. He looked deflated... sad even. I knew I was being hard on him, and that it was unfair. What happened wasn't all his fault, I'd gone along with it, I'd almost given into it completely. The idea of just how far things almost went made my, already delicate, stomach ache uncomfortably.
"I don't want things to be awkward either," I whispered truthfully.
He perked up a little at the tenderness of my declaration, then shrugged his shoulders slightly.
"What shall we do then?"
I glanced behind me. Ross was here now, and finally, we could begin the life together that we'd set out for. I didn't want anything to get in the way of that. It was hard not to admit to myself that I was attracted to Charlie, maybe even having feelings for him. But they weren't a patch on what I felt for Ross. We'd been through so much over the years, and sure it hadn't always been smooth sailing. But the rocky moments were what made our love stronger. I had a moment of weakness, one that I'd regret and hate myself for, for the rest of my life. But I wasn't going to let that one incident sabotage the happiness that was right within my grasp at being given a chance to live out my dream life with my soulmate. And if that was the case, then there was only one thing for it.
"I want to forget that it happened," I said clearly.
"I can't do that," He said solemnly, "As uncomfortable as it is for you, and as hard as I know you're taking it, I'm still happy that it happened."
My heart began to pound in my chest as he got to his feet, approaching me slowly.
"Charlie, I-"
"I've been fighting to control myself around you for a while now," He interrupted, stopping in front of me and gazing into my eyes, "And as much as I know that it was nothing more than a mistake for you. When I got to touch you," He lifted a hand and tenderly brushed his thumb over my cheek, the gentleness making my eyes close as I tried to resist leaning into his touch, "And kiss you... I was over the moon. Because you mean something to me, Selena, something so precious, and I know I'm not ready to give that up."
When my eyes opened, I saw the emotional struggle across his face. I knew from his darting eyes that he wanted to kiss me again, and a small piece of me wanted to let him. Suddenly, his hand dropped from my cheek and he smiled tenderly.
"I can't forget it, but I'll back off. I won't make this harder for you," He said as he stepped back, "We can go back to how things were and we won't get caught up in the complications, okay?"
"Thank you," I breathed, touched by his confession, and grateful that he wasn't going to try and sabotage my relationship.
"I'll see you at work," He replied, turning for the door.
He'd just opened it when I spoke up:
"It wasn't just a mistake to me," I said, watching him freeze, his hand tightening on the door handle before he turned to face me again, "I felt something for you, I have done for a while I guess," I admitted nervously. "But I love Ross... And I don't want to lose him."
"Then I hope you don't."
With that, he left, closing the door behind him and leaving me standing in the kitchen, staring at the door and wondering just how I'd come to fuck up so badly.
Given that Ross's car was still waiting to be picked up from back home, I offered to give him a ride to the station myself.
"I can't believe the transfer suddenly went through out of nowhere," I called out of the bedroom, finishing getting dressed and trying to avoid tripping over his, still unpacked, suitcase.
"Not really out of nowhere," He shouted back from the kitchen, "It still took months."
"Yeah, but the last time we talked about it, you still weren't sure how long it would be until you got here."
Still tugging my zip up the back of my dress, I stepped into my heels and headed on through to the kitchen.
"Well, I'm here now, and that's all that matters," He smiled brightly, gesturing for me to turn around so that he could zip up my dress for me.
"I know, and I'm happy you're here," I said, pulling my hair to the side so that he could get to the stubborn zip, "But if they could have done it so much faster, then why the hell didn't they?"
His silence irked me, I couldn't understand why he wasn't as angry about it as me. We'd been apart for months and kept dangled in uncertainty then suddenly, ta-dah! There's a job, you can go now.
"Did they at least apologise, or give you an explanation?" I asked as he let go of my dress and I shook my hair back over my shoulders.
"Lena, it's not like there were a bunch of jobs just sitting there waiting for someone to take."
He walked away, picking up his duffle bag and occupying himself with looking inside for something.
"No, but isn't it strange that this suddenly opened up out of the blue without them having some prior notice?" I continued.
I heard him sigh as he went suddenly still, his shoulders slumping.
"It didn't suddenly open up," He muttered, "It was there all along."
I stared at the back of his head, trying to figure out what he meant, and why, if there had been a position open all along, he had been thousands of miles away this entire time.
"But... If that was there all along... why did you only just take it?" I questioned.
He faced me once more, his hand reaching up to run through his hair as it always did when he was struggling with something, with a sharp exhale, he met my gaze and answered:
"Because it's not as an EMT. It's as a Firefighter."