Behind The Scene

CHAPTER 2

I spent day after day following the same routine, rising early and going to audition after audition. By the end of the week, I'd done scenes playing the part of everything from a rebellious teenager, to a rogue assassin. I'd tried for commercials, tv series, and even small movie roles, and not a single one had offered me a call back yet.

Still, I refused to allow myself to succumb to defeat. I doubled my efforts, searching for every possible audition that I could find, obsessing over the moment that I would finally succeed. It consumed me entirely until I was left exhausted, falling asleep at my laptop midway through another search for opportunities I hadn't yet seen, waking only long enough to snack on a few crackers before getting back to it again.
A buzzing was echoing somewhere in the distance as I stared at the panel, their eyes all fixed on me as I opened my mouth to speak, only to be instantly unable to recall my lines. Fear and embarrassment hit me like a truck as I gaped at them, barely managing to make a single sound. With desperation and panic, I sought out any type of inspiration I could find, my eyes roaming over my surroundings, finding nothing but darkness as the room altered. When it came back into focus, the panel had vanished and I was on set, cameras all pointing at me whilst the buzzing grew louder and the words still refused to come to me. My co-stars stared at me as though I was an alien sporting two heads, whilst the director's voice rang out, hurling abuse my way from somewhere out of sight. His distorted, angry tone voiced every fear that I had ever had in my life about my skills to become an actress. Tears poured down my cheeks and my knees gave out, sending me crashing into the ground, which vibrated beneath me as the buzzing reached a deafening level, and I buried my head in my hands in despair.

I jolted awake, my eyes snapping open and bringing me back to reality. My chest rose and fell rapidly, my emotions still askew from the intensity of the dream whilst my phone continued to vibrate on the table, its buzzing now clearly distinguishable. The apartment was dark, the only dim glow coming from the desk lamp and my illuminated phone screen. I was still at my laptop, my hands sprawled across the keys from my long session of scrolling. Wincing at the brightness, I scooped up the phone, sliding my thumb across the screen.
"Hello?" I half yawned.
"Sorry, I didn't realise you were asleep," Ross replied apologetically, as I stood up, stumbling slightly in my dazed state as I crossed the room in search of a light.

I recoiled as the bright overhead light sprung into existence. Blinking rapidly, I tried to build up a tolerance long enough to keep my eyes open. I groaned as I noted the time, I'd been asleep for over two hours! What a waste of time.

"I must have fallen asleep whilst I was searching online," I mumbled, wandering to the kitchen as a wave of hunger and thirst passed over me. "How come you're not asleep? It's after midnight for you."
"We just got back to the hospital, we had a late shout so I'm sticking it out here. Wanted to catch up with you whilst on a break."
I smiled at the sweet gesture, rummaging in the kitchen for something to eat, but coming up short at the bare cupboards and empty fridge.
"Shit," I cursed under my breath, swinging the door closed with a thud.
"What's wrong?" He asked, sounding concerned.
"Oh, it's nothing, I'm just a little hungry is all."
"Have you been eating properly? I know that you're busy with all the auditions, but don't forget to take care of yourself."
A lump caught in my throat as I tried to reply. To say yes would be a blatant lie. Not only had my auditions taken precedence over everything else, but with no new jobs coming in, my funds were now drying up, leaving me with little money to afford luxuries such as food. In simple terms... I was screwed.
"Lena?" He asked again, firmer this time, given my continued silence.
"I'm looking after myself, don't worry," I lied, attempting to sound convincing whilst I grabbed my handbag and rummaged in my purse for some money.
With each empty pocket, my heart sank a little further, my stomach growling louder with hunger. Remembering my emergency compartment, I turned the purse over, tearing the zip open and breathing a sigh of relief as I plucked the crumpled twenty dollar bill from the shallow pouch.
It'll do for now. I thought to myself, coming to the conclusion that I would go to the ATM in the morning and buy some essential groceries.
"I'll always worry about you. I love you, kinda comes with the territory," He chuckled softly, bringing a much-needed smile to my face, whilst the sound of sirens rang out on his end of the call.
"I love you too. Everything is fine though, it'll just be even better when you get here."
He went suddenly quiet, and my smile faltered. I could sense that he was holding something back and given the state of things, that was an alarming thought.
"What is it?" I asked, feeling instantly anxious.
"Nothing. Just a small complication is all."
"A small complication? Like what?" I asked, struggling to keep the irritation at bay as numerous questions began racing through my head.
"It doesn't matter, it's not a big deal, The transfer will still go through and I'll be coming over."
"But?" I sniped.
I heard him exhale on the other end, before replying:
"It's just going to take a little longer than we thought," He explained.
I sighed, unsure of how to reply. This was already going to be the longest that we'd been apart, and with how busy we both were, I feared that the distance would take its toll the longer it went on. Not only that, but I missed him, and it may have been selfish, but I needed him, needed his comfort and support. The lack of success so far was hard to take, and I needed someone to reassure me and have my back. Comfort through the phone just didn't cut it when I spent every other minute alone.
The disappointing revelation dampened the rest of our conversation, and if I was being honest, I wasn't sure if it was more on my side, or his. With it hanging in the air between us, it soon became too much for us to bear, and the call ended with an icy undertone and hollow commitment to talk again soon. If stuff was already getting to us and affecting us so easily, I was worried that this new revelation was going to be the undoing of our relationship. We'd hit rough patches and been on and off before... multiple times, but back home we always saw one another, it was impossible not to, so it wasn't long before we fixed our problems and moved on. Now, we didn't have that. There were thousands of miles between us, and no way to interact without us both making the effort. We knew the move would be challenging for us, but our feelings had been stronger than ever, and that was why he was moving out here too. We didn't want to lose what we had, and there was no lying to ourselves that we could make long-distance work indefinitely. Slumping in my chair, I reached the unwelcome realisation that now, we had no choice but to try, and for who knows how long.
Thoroughly downhearted, I gave up on being proactive and decided to indulge in some therapeutic wallowing. Going all in, I ordered from the nearby pizza place, and after filling up on a whole cheese feast and binging Netflix, I threw myself into bed, wanting nothing more than a full twenty-four hours sleep.