Living in my families shadows (Royal family story) *On Hold*

2

Hazel's POV

I ran. Honestly thats all I could do. If my grandmother saw me she'd say "Princesses don't run in dresses Hazel. It's not lady like." But I really didn't care. I managed to make it all the way to the palaces gardens. I found a bench near the roses and I just sat down and cried. Roses were one of my mothers favorite flowers. This just made me miss her even more. I didn't mean to snap at them like that. It just happened. All of these built up emotions I just couldn't keep them in anymore. I broke. My family broke me. I knew it was going to happen eventually but I thought it would be in the privacy of my own room not in front of my entire family. I felt it break. Like a crystal vase falling onto a marble floor my last shred of normalcy shatters into a million pieces. There lay on the floor glittering in the sun, who knew breaking down could look so beautiful. I know there is no hope in trying to put them back together, so I don't even try. 

I've been thinking about my mom for the longest time now. I don't remember her at all because of how young I was when she died. I sometimes wonder what she smelled like when I would smell the perfume I wear. Or if she would of sent me so far away to go to school if she was still alive. I think a lot about my mom. I often feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to have a mother. I am jealous of my brothers. They had the opportunity to have a mother growing up. They can remember everything mother did with them. And then theres me and I was robbed of the opportunity to have a mother. All I had was nannies and my nannies weren't my mother. And it sucked. I sometimes feel like I can feel her with me. Sometimes I feel like somebody is hugging me when theres no one actually hugging me and I would automatically think that thats my mom. Just the little things like that makes me smile. 

I just laid there on the bench staring at the beautiful roses. "I'm done." I whisper to myself. I've reached my limit and now I'm just done. I wrapped my arms around my chest and I just held myself as I cried. At that moment I felt so alone.

Harry's POV 

I stared at the couch that Hazel was just occupying. My sisters words running over and over again in my head as if I had her on recording. The look on her face when she yelled at our father, she looked so broken. I don't think I'll ever be able to get that look out of my head. Before I could  think any further Kate had stood up and looked at all of us.

"I'm going to go see if I can find her. Maybe she'll open up more to me." She said. She turned around and left the room. Leaving all of us to our silent thoughts.

"I told you this would happen." Grandmother said looking around at Father, William and I. "I told you from the very beginning that not giving her the attention she needed as a child would have consequences in the future." 

"Well what would you have wanted me to do Mother?" Charles asked. "We gave her attention up until she was six years old. And then I became more busy and the boys were off at boarding school. She had you and Camille and Father around all the time when I wasn't there." He said.

"Yes Charles, we were there but no offense to Camille she is not the poor girls mother and even at such a young age she knew that. I am not her mother and your father isn't her father. It wasn't our job to raise her after Diana died, it was your job as her father to raise her into the women Diana would of wanted her to grow up to be." She said. 

"Grandmother is right Father." William said making everyones attention turn to him. "Harry and I had the choice to be homeschooled the year after mother died. Grandmother gave us that choice and instead we chose to leave. At the time that was our way of healing. Now I can see that wasn't the right decision." He said looking at me. I sighed.

"William is right. I was immature and wanted to be as far away from London as possible. That was my way of healing. For years. I was a completely different person after mother died. Mother asked us to take care of Hazel if anything were to ever happen to her. We didn't do our job." I said looking at everyone. Father sighed and looked around the room.

"So what do we do now?" Father asked.

Hazel POV

I couldn't tell you how long I just laid on that bench for. I eventually stopped sobbing but the tears were still running down my face. I heard what sounded like heals clicking against the walkway. I didn't turn to look nor did I get up to try and make myself look presentable. I just didn't care who saw me like this. I felt like I officially hit rock bottom. All these emotions I've been feeling since I was a kid that I tried to build a wall around them, well that wall finally broke and now I didn't care who saw me like this. 

The sound of the heels stopped and I didn't know if the person had left or if the person had found me.

"Oh Hazel." The women said. I recognized that voice right away and I was happy that it was her that came to find me and not someone else.

Kates heels clicked against the walkway more urgently as she came closer to where I was laying on the bench. 

"Sit up sweetheart." She said. And I slowly started to sit up. "Thats it, good girl." She said. I moved my legs and I was now in a sitting position and she sat down next to me and pulled me into her arms. The floodgates opened again and I started to cry again. "Sh sh sh. It's going to be okay, Hazel. Everything is going to be okay." She said and I believed her. 

After awhile I pulled away and looked down embarrassed. "I'm sorry." I said. Kate took her hand and lift it under my chin and pulled my chin up so I could look at her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You are allowed to cry." She said and I nodded.

"Want to tell me what happened back there?" She asked.

I looked at her and then looked back down to the ground. "They broke me." I said.

She looks at me but doesn't say anything so I continue. "I've had all these emotions locked away for years. Never letting them out. I built a wall around those emotions. Today the wall broke. I couldn't keep the emotions inside anymore. I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause a scene like that I just......" I trailed off not really sure what I wanted.

Kate looked at me and said it for me. "You want your mom." She said.

I looked at her and nodded. "Yeah." I said.

"I don't want to take the place of your mother Hazel, but if you need to talk about anything or if you want to go out and do girl stuff I want you to call me. Okay?" She said.

I looked at her and nodded. "Okay."

"Okay. So what else is going on?" She asked.

I sighed and decided to come clean and at least to tell her some of what I'm feeling. "My whole life I've been jealous of my brothers. How they got the chance to have mother for years. To have made memories with mom. While I didn't. How is that fair?" I asked looking at Kate.

Kate pulls me into a hug and I hugged her back. "Life isn't fair Hazel. Things happen for no reason unfortunately. This is one of those things." She said. 

"Yeah. I know. It just sucks." I said. 

"Yeah it does." she said. 

I looked up and I saw my brothers standing there watching us. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do.

***Hey guys so my posting will be whenever I can update. I'm a busy college student right now. So I'll try to post whenever I can. Enjoy this new chapter.