sunrise | bae joohyun & son seungwan

11

a week of honeymooning as best as we can in a hospital.

we would walk outside, still on hospital grounds of course, and we'd stay there all day, some times filled with the sound of our voices, other times in complete silence. it was never uncomfortable, though.

at the end of each day, i'd fall asleep with her, squeezed in her bed and tickling her skin with my breath.

the last night of our honeymoon, i asked a question i was a little afraid of asking.
okay, very afraid.

– h-how are you so comfortable with death? like you know you're gonna die, so why are you still so positive and joyful?? isn't it scary? i, for one, am scared.

wendy chuckles before answering.

– after eight years, you get used to dying. i know it's gonna happen eventually, so i've prepared myself. everyday, i tell myself "this is my last day" and i expect it. i'm lucky to have lived this long, so i won't expect an extra day. that's why i'm always happy; cause i'm so lucky. people with what i have barely live over four years with it, except three percent, and i'm so privileged to have been apart of that small number of people.

– but.. you still want to live, right?

– obviously!! i would've asked them to pull the plug a long while ago if i was tired of living. i don't want to die, but i'm ready.

-oh.

we fall asleep on that note.
at least, she does.
i'm too busy thinking.

it's unfair.
i'm selfish for saying this, i know, but it is.
we've barely known eachother, it's only been 5 months, and she has to leave.
i don't care when she leaves, it'll always be too soon.
i wonder how long it'll take for me to be ready, like her.

maybe never.