sunrise | bae joohyun & son seungwan

08

– please, don't raise your voice-
– how can i not when you're in here?! and-

i stopped when i heard her whimper.
maybe out of pain.
maybe out of fear from me.
i'm afraid to ask.

instead, i took a deep breath, i stayed silent for about a minute to make sure i was calm, and i speak up.

– why so suddenly? you were fine yesterday, and now you're here... in palliative care... i-it doesn't make sense, wendy. you can't make it to a palliative room this fast.

she didn't dare look at me in the eyes, and you could see the quivering of her lip from a mile away.

what was she so nervous about?

and then, she looks straight at me. her lip stops trembling, and she takes a huge breath before talking.

– this place is kind of my second home, i guess you could say. you see... i'm dying. i've been dying for the past 8 years of my life, and so this is like my second home. i practically lived here for 8 years non stop. but this summer, they said i was stable enough to leave, and so i did, and i lived my best life. i did so many things i had dreamed of doing for so long, i met the best friends i'll ever have, and i met you. i got to go to an ice cream shop, have a pool party, run in the soft green grass, kiss you over and over, watch the sun set and rise, hold your hand, give the finger to a close-minded old man, and so much more! i haven't been this happy in so long, too long. and you, along with seulgi, yeri and joy, have made my life complete. so there, irene, i'm dying. but i'll have you know that i will die in a colourful and beautiful world. i will die in a world that you painted for me, a world that became beautiful the second i met you. i will die in a world where i love you. i don't know how long it'll take me before i do, but when i will, i'll be thinking of you, and only you.

i'm left speechless.
i can barely breathe.
my throat isn't dry though.
i can talk if i want.
i just don't know what to say.
but then i think of something.
something simple and short.
something straightforward and direct.

– you're the love of my life, son seungwan.