DETERMINATION | Book One

C H A P T E R 20

Shaun in MM

C H A P T E R
T W E N T Y

Sitting in the cafeteria, Ahmad and Chris ate their food in silence as they let the other men chatter consume their ears. Today was boring since it was raining so they couldn't go outside today.

They mostly been in their cells, sleep and to pass time Ahmad just wrote letters to his family and drew tattoo designs.

"You good man?" Chris asked Ahmad who simply looked out of it today.

Ahmad needed his medicine, it had been almost two weeks since he last saw Derek and nothing changed. "I'm fine, I ain't get no sleep last night that's all."

"I heard, you be having nightmares or some shit?" He questioned.

"Something like that,"

Chris nodded, "Um you know its a chapel down here you can go too if you ever just need some guidance, we all know God is the best teacher and leader out here."

Ahmad looked over at him, thinking it over. "I ain't too much feelin' God at the moment."

"Why?"

"I don' got hurt too much for there to be a God .. Been molested, cheated on, lost my sister and now I'm in jail .. if there's a God why he sit back and let my eight year old ass get mistreated for so long? Why he take my sister away? Why he let all this bad shit happen if he suppose to be a God of love?"

Chris knew he had a point, but he also knew we weren't suppose to question the ways of God. "I get and understand what you're saying .. when I was younger I hated God for sending me a mother like my mama who was dick hungry, I had to take care of me and my sister, I had to start selling dope at the age of sixteen just to keep food on the table because she decided to be a hoe rather than take care of her own kids .. and that lead me here, got caught up in some shit had to ten years, took away my whole child hood all behind her."

"So trust me bro, I understand but I look at the blessings he also gives during the hardships. You were molested yeah that shit is hurtful to go through and hear but you also bounced back from it .. You told me you went to college, you own your own business, you got a family who loves and supports your every move no matter and a girl who rides for you hard and that only wants to see you do your best. Yeah you had it rough but you got a lot of blessings along the way too. All I got is my sister, my daddy a bitch and my mama and I just ain't speakin' been in her eleven years no letter, or a visit and she part of the reason I'm here in the first place." He scoffed.

"But even though I don't have that parent support, I got my sister and at this point that's really the only blessing I need, just some one on my team so trust me bro, don't give up on God cause he never gave up on you..He sees your struggles which is why he probably sent that girl in your life to help you see that all people outside of your circle aren't bad."

Ahmad listened intently to what he was saying and he had to admit Chris was right. He did have a lot of blessings in life, but he always focused on the bad but maybe that was because it had such an affect on him, but he couldn't evem remember the last time he even thanked the lord for something. He always cursed at God for what he didn't do, like most people. Resting his hand on his face, he sighed.

"I might go, I only know so much about God but be expecting blessings." He mumbled. "My parents weren't church people, we never went to church until after my boy Marcus moved in cause he went to church faithfully and out of respect of his parents we went .. I half listened most of the time but who knows maybe while I was rejecting God .. I actually needed him."