Poem Collections

A mess and a half

Holy fucking christ I'm just all over the place and I could've ranted about this on my spam I really could've but I like ranting here better cause A. You most likely wont see this and B. A lot of people won't see this and lemme just say holy fucking christ is this a mess. Our relationship was going to shit and when I finally got the goddamn balls to fucking break up with you, you yell at me, you beg me to stay, you apologize for yelling, you agree on one thing, then you change the agreement, and then you change it again, and then you call me all sad, and then you're okay and then you're just entirely done with me and honestly? What the fuck? I thought I already moved soon from this honestly but you're here posting your almost nudes saying how hot you are and how much you want to hookup with someone hot and wow did those posts hurt they really did they really fucking did cause you saying how you wanna hookup with someone hot makes it sound like I wasnt hot enough for you when you used to praise me for that kind of stuff you used to tell me how good I did it and how hot I was and suddenly not even 5 hours later you want to hook up with someone hot. I'm definitely overthinking this but fuck I can't unthinking it the way I'm thinking it. you know? You go and post your basically nudes and honestly I'm sitting here thinking, wtf? You haven't sent me much of those kinds of photos in a long while when we were together but suddenly when we're not together you go make like 2 or 3 posts showing yourself off and being all confident and not caring about how we literally broke up 24 hours ago from right now and what the fuck? Someone please tell me how that ended up making me think I was ugly or like the fact that suddenly you're just over me when you were the one begging so much to get back together but out of nowhere you're 100% over it?? It feels like you're just doing these things to get to me you're asking people to comment on your thiscruch and RIGHT AWAY someone fucking comments about how fucking hot you are and then I ask people to comment on my this crush cause I fucking crave attention and all I get is maybe one comment saying something that doesn't really matter to me. Why did that one this crush comment you got make me feel ugly? It makes me feel like I'm just nothing compared to you like you can get whoever the fuck you want cause of how hot you are meanwhile I'm just here being lonely as fuck just struggling to get someone attracted to me cause godforbid I don't get attention I start feeling fucking ugly and I really do hate it how fast you just got over it it literally wasn't even 24 hours and you're just already over it and I'm the one struggling to get over it yet I'm the one that ended things. What the fuck? How can you just recover so fucking fast and maintain your fucking everything? Why do I feel as if you're trying to fucking target me and make me feel bad for leaving you? Why do I feel inferior to you? Why do I feel like Im so fucking ugly just cause you suddenly have this random confidence? How is this fucking fair what the fuck did I do?? I was FINALLY getting used to my body and my face and loving myself but now I'm back to picking out the smallest things and feeling too gross to look in the fucking mirror? This is just so much you shouldn't be able to affect me so much even after we broke up you shouldn't be able to get over it so quickly I don't think you really are over it I don't know its just a big mess and my thoughts are a mess I can't think straight just cause less than 24 hours of being broken up and people are already complimenting the shit out of you and I can't even get shit. Was I ever even that good looking to begin with????? Like where did my confidence go I want it back?? Where the actual fuck did it go off to??????? Like if I'm gonna feel fucking lonely as fuck, I at least deserve to have some fucking confidence, but of course, nothing ever works out right for me. I just don't know. Theres just always something and I really feel like ranting some more but I just can't form proper arguments or anything this is just one whole big mess and so am I like I'm just a huge fucking mess like fuck @ life cut me some slack.