OLD Campus Love (sequel) Malexmale

10

Rowan and I held each other for probably fifteen minutes, maybe more. I was too choked up to speak, not because I didn't know what to say but because I didn't know how to get my thoughts across. There were too many questions flowing in my mind. To ask them all would take days, but I knew I needed every single one of them answered.

"I can feel your heartbeat. Oh my god," he muttered happily, his arms tightening around me.

"I feel yours too... This is unreal."

"I promise you I'm real. And I won't disappear into thin air," he continued to assure me, tilting his head back enough to stare right into my eyes. I cupped his cheeks, caressing his smooth skin with my thumbs.

"How is this happening?"

He opened his mouth to respond to me, but I quickly shushed him. "Don't answer that. Don't speak. Just let me look at you."

"I can't be quiet. I've been silent for too many years. Hiding. Hurting you."

"It does hurt," I agreed. "It hurts to see you."

"I know―"

"Do you? I believed you were dead. Dead, Rowan; gone. Forever. I mourned you. I visited your grave more times than I can count, speaking to you, missing you, telling you everything that was happening in my life. We were best friends. More than best friends."

Rowan swallowed, burying his face in his hands.

"No," I said, grabbing his hands and pulling them away from his face. "You don't get to hide anything from me anymore. That includes your tears." He blinked and sucked in an unsteady breath. "What's on your mind right now?" I questioned. "Why exactly are you crying?"

"Because I get to see you. And because I know you'll never trust or forgive me." His voice faded by the end of his statement.

"I'd have to understand what I'm forgiving, and I don't understand anything. I... I don't know how you're aliveㅡ how you managed to fool everyone. I don't why you'd keep a truth like that from me. Did I wrong you? Was this my fault?"

"No." He shook his head with wide eyes. "Never, I swear."

I decided to stay silent because I was incredibly overwhelmed. It was like a sensory overload; I could hear him, see him, touch him. After all this time, it was too much to take in. Rowan was busy crying in front of me, appearing vulnerable and distressed. Naturally, I didn't enjoy seeing him in such a depressed state so I pulled him close. "Come here." I cleaned up his tears and sighed. "I'm furious, but you're alive and unharmed," I whispered. "So I'm overjoyed about that."

My eyes ventured behind him toward the crutches on the sofa. I figured he was injured, but he seemed to be standing on his feet just fine. "Do you need to sit?" I asked him.

"I'm fine standing," he quickly responded. "Um, thanks."

"Rowan. What're you not telling me? Did you get hurt?"

"I... Could I s-stay the night please? Please?" he pleaded. "I'll tell you everything, I promise you that. I just need a place to sleep tonight."

I slowly nodded. "Alright. Did you bring any of your things?"

"Yes. I have a bag next to the couch."

A part of me felt afraid, quite put off by his sudden restlessness. I knew that he suffered anxiety, especially around large crowds or intimidating people, but he was always relaxed with me. Always.

"Come on; there's a room over here." I walked to the other end of the sofa to get his bag and he picked up his crutches, carrying them and following me quietly.

"David," he called my name as we entered one of the guest rooms. I turned on the light then placed his bag on the queen-sized bed before turning to him.

"Yes?"

There was hesitation in his eyes as he gripped the crutches a little tighter. "Where's Alex?"

My throat closed up when he mentioned that name. I shook my head and furrowed my eyebrows. "I don't talk about him."

"His mother changed her mind, didn't she?"

I looked down, refusing to respond. There was no way in hell I could muster the courage to engage in a conversation about this. Especially not at this moment, when I was inundated by Rowan's very presence.

He understood my silence though, and I heard the inevitable sound of despair flee his lips. "This is all my fault." He sat down on the bed in a defeatist manner.

"Her decision had nothing to do with you. It may look that way, but... It wasn't you. So don't blame yourself."

"I should've been there. I should've... God, I think I'd be better off if I had really died."

I sat down next to him. "Why would you say something like that? I'm glad you're alive, Rowan, you know that."

"You can admit it." He frowned. "That me being alive ruins everything. At least that's what I keep telling myself."

"No. Of course not; nothing like that ever crossed my mind. I'm angry and hurt and confused, but I don't feel animosity or antipathy toward you or the fact that you're alive."

"But still." He looked at me and his eyes were glossy with unfallen tears. "I ruined us." Then he scowled. "Your father ruined us."

"What did he do to you? Did he make you fake your death? Did he know this entire time?"

"No, David. He didn't make me do anything and the only people who knew was my cousin, Freya, and my mother. It was their idea to keep me a secret."

"Even Freya knew? She's one of Dani's closest friends!"

"Don't blame her; she wanted to protect me."

"From what?" My eyebrows flew up. "Please talk to me. What're you so afraid of that you'd rather stay dead and not tell me?"

"I didn't want this, David!" he blurted. "The last thing I wanted was to be apart from you. I wanted to get married, to have a family and grow old with you. Your dad hated that we were together and he wanted to do everything to tear us apart. So he..." Rowan shut his eyes and turned his head away. "Remember why my family had to move after my mother's stroke?"

"Iㅡ Well, yes. But that was a very long time ago."

"Not long enough. It caught up to me."

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