Idfc // Blackbear

nyfw

caities pov
i decided to stay in the hotel room while bear was participating in new york fashion week, a lot of models do struggle with drug addictions and eating habits, and ive already have had my fair share of that it's best for me to stay away.

i felt awfully nervous abt bear hanging around a large group of women but i have to stay clean any healthy no matter what, bear has been hanging w syd a girl supposedly had a fling w before he devoted his time w me. it was scary they adopted a dog together she's a young girl w pretty looks, how could i complete? everything started to settle in and my anxiety was tearing me at the seems. anxiety was something i had struggled w thru this relationship and even before it's something i can control, but choose not to.

that's when i turned to drug and alcohol abuse just like most people even mat, crazy how it took ahold of his life not too long ago. he's still on the road to recovery but sometimes a loved one can have their doubts due to past decisions, and that's why nyfw had always scared me relapse is something that u don't want clouding your daily thoughts.

i watched as a few ashes from the bud of my cigarette slowly fall to the ground, my thoughts were clouding and i needed this in my system more than anything. i felt like these small thoughts were ruining my life, until i got a text it was from mat asking me if i was interested in going to eat w all his friends and even some of syds.

my fingers shook hesitation set in, i thought "do i want to see my heart die in pain due to hanging around a bunch of ppl?". but i knew this was my only chance in showing everyone i was mats girlfriend i didn't want syd or anyone to stand in the way, so with that i left my hotel room with my pack of cigs and hauled a cab.

im going to write the next chapter abt the dinner, sadly breakway was amazing but i couldn't meet bear i tried my hardest, contacting beartrap talking to snooze, and even talking to my friend who was djing that night. im going to write a few more chapters to this story i want it to finally get super cute and have them both finally settle down together does that sound good? and does everyone want to see that? and if not tell me what you're interested in reading next!! im going to write a totally different twisted bear box after i end this one.

twitter: fmlmaddy
snapchat: fmlmaddy