「look at the stars」 | Johnnyboy

S i x (flashback)

"I'm sorry for your loss." The words seemed to ring throughout the room, yet another tear sliding down his cheek as they filled his ears. He didn't know what to say, so he just nodded silently. He felt Sodapop at his side, rubbing his back reassuringly. Johnny stood at his other, hand clasped tightly in his own. Darrel stood a few feet away; his face was hard, as usual. It was clear that he was upset - his cold, icy blue-green eyes seemed to glimmer in the dimly lit room, though he wasn't crying.

Ponyboy wondered why. How, more so. His own face was soaked with salty liquid, and the service hadn't even officially started yet. He couldn't seem to choke back the tears. Each time he thought he had it under control, they came rushing back.

"Shall we begin with a prayer?" The minister spoke up softly, stepping up to the microphone. The coffins sat to his left, though both were closed. The bodies had been too bad off for an open-casket ceremony. Everyone who wasn't already standing got to their feet now, now bowing their heads respectively.

"We gather here today to say farewell to Josie and Martin Curtis." He paused, letting that sink in - as if it hadn't already. "Dear Lord, I pray that you aid the Curtis family while they grieve, as well as everyone else who's been affected by this devastating tragedy." Ponyboy let out a strangled sob at the thought of his parents, or there lack of, causing Johnny to give his hand a squeeze. The elder boy leaned in now, placing his chin on his shoulder and slowly trying to tug him closer. The brunet obliged, arms wrapping around his friend and face burying into his shirt.

Sodapop didn't know how he was supposed to properly comfort his younger brother, if there was a right way, when he couldn't even do that for himself. Their parents were gone, and all the middle Curtis sibling could think of was the last moments he'd had with them. He'd been distant, only thinking of his night out with friends. See you soon, he'd said, drive safe. But he'd never told them the one thing that mattered; he'd never told them he loved them. And now, ironically, that's all he wanted to tell them. No goodbye, no 'what happened', nothing like that - just one last, simple 'I love you'.

Darrel wasn't thinking much of anything, except the stresses that were to come. Of course he missed his parents; he'd never let them go. However, he couldn't let his family down - not when they needed him the most. He already knew he'd have to prove to the court that he could take care of his brothers, and if he couldn't it was straight off to Foster Care for them. No way was he going to let them be put into the system; he'd heard enough stories to know that it wasn't the place for them.

Ponyboy didn't know what to do with himself. In Johnny's arms, he felt just slightly more secure than he had moments before. His parents were gone; all he'd have left were memories. Memories that hurt. What good did those do? He sniffled, trying to gather himself as the man in black and white continued.

"Our Father in heaven, we thank you that, through Jesus Christ, you have given us the gift of eternal life. Keep us firm in the faith, that nothing can separate us from your love. When we lose someone who is dear to us, help us to receive your comfort and to share it with one another. We thank you for what you have given us through Josie and Martin Curtis. We now entrust ourselves to you, just as we are, with our sense of loss and of guilt, When the time has come, let us depart in peace, and see you face to face, for you are the God of our salvation. Amen."

Amen echoed throughout the room, but Ponyboy stayed silent. He kept thinking - if this supposed God had a plan for everyone, and was so holy, why had he so cruelly taken his parents away? They'd done nothing wrong. They'd been young. They'd had children, who'd still thoroughly needed them.

He seemed to fall into a daze, tuning out everything around him - save for the boy who was currently whispering calming things into his ear and tracing slow circles along his back. The rest of the ceremony seemed to go by in a blur, and it was an understatement to say he was relieved when it ended. Not because he didn't want to give his parents a respectable descendent into the earth, but because he was tired - and not just physically.

When they arrived home, he said nothing. He quickly made his way to his room, Johnny following close behind. He slid his jacket off, stripping to his tank top and boxers before getting under the covers. The elder boy didn't question anything, and instead pulled back the blanket on the opposite side and climbed in after him. He didn't have to hesitate before wrapping an arm around him - he knew he needed it.

Pulling him close, he rested his chin on top of his head and ran his fingers through his now unkempt hair. The younger boy had stopped crying now, filled with a void no one could replace - no one alive, that was. Though as he laid there, just on the verge of unconsciousness, he knew one thing for sure. "I love you." The words escaped his lips abruptly, sleepily and barely audible, but they were there. Johnny stopped, mid-hum, heart thumping hard against his ribcage at the sudden dialogue. He didn't have to think over his words, though, as they came quite easily to him.

"I love you too, Ponyboy." He paused. "Get some rest." And with that, the younger boy finally surrendered to the needy calls of sleep. Though they never spoke of the incident again - until they did.