Living In A Nightmare

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

(Jonhathan)

I sit on the bed against the wall where Jared left me feeling the coldness through my thin black long sleeve shirt, unaware of what is going to happen once he comes back. He left me by myself about an hour ago with nothing to do but to hope for the best even though I know the best isn't anywhere in sight.

I know now I should have just kept my mouth shut and went downstairs like he wanted me to. Today probably wouldn't have been as bad if I listened and did as Jared said but I didn't. I didn't because I was tired of doing what he wanted and I really did feel sick. Maybe I wasn't so sick I had to stay in bed but that doesn't change that fact that I still felt sick.

The past week or two the smell of any almost any food has made me feel nauseous. I'm barely able to keep any food down when I do eat but Jared doesn't know this. He doesn't know because I've managed not to let him know. I was afraid he wouldn't believe me and like I thought it didn't turn out so well.

For a moment I thought he was going to kill me when I said I didn't want to get up and go downstairs with him. The look in his eyes when he grabbed me by my arm and I pulled away was as if he became someone else, something else. Right then he started hitting me and I knew if I didn't say something it would continue to get worse. So I told him what I have been trying to convince myself wasn't true, I told him I'm pregnant.

When I heard the words come out of my mouth I wasn't even sure if I really said it but I had to of. The hand he was going to smack me across the face with again dropped to his side and he backed away. I knew from the look on his face he didn't believe me and I knew he would question me. He thought I was lying to get him to stop and that is what I was doing but I was also telling the truth. I have no reason to lie about something like this. I already know what would happen if I lied and I don't want to get Jared more upset then I have already. It isn't like me telling him I'm pregnant would change the fact that I'm still living in his attic unable to leave.

The only thing that changes is now I'm even more scared of him by the way he acted after I told him. He just stood there not saying a single word as he dug his face into his hands hiding his reaction from me. When he finally did speak he yelled at me to shut up when I didn't say anything. As he looked up at me the look in his eyes was as if he turned insane. Not once had I ever seen him look as scared as I was at that very moment. It was as if he was scared of himself and who he was turning into.

As scared as I am and was at that moment of Jared  and how much I hate him for everything he has done to me I actually felt sorry for him. I don't know how I could possibly feel sympathy for someone like Jared but I did. I don't know what's wrong with me. I should have been more scared then before because of how much crazier Jared seemed but I wasn't. I wanted to walk over to him and tell him its okay that everything was going to be okay. He looked like he needed reassurance and that's what I wanted to give to him. I know that sounds crazy but that's what I wanted to do and I would of if I had the chance.

Before I could he looked at me and told me he couldn't take it and he took off downstairs. I was left more confused than ever before. I never planned for any of this to happen today. Especially for me to let it slip out that I thought I was pregnant. It didn't even cross my mind to tell him when I first started to think I might be because I knew it wouldn't do any good. How could I possibly being pregnant be a good thing?

It wouldn't because to be honest I never wanted this. I never wanted to be where I am right now, locked up in Jared's attic still having to endure a bad life. I also never imagined myself becoming pregnant from the first time I had sex because I never thought that would happen. Getting pregnant and having kids was never on my list of things to do to begin with.