Love You ; Ethan Dolan [#1]

10.- Ending.

A week after Ethan's death, I couldn't move from my bedroom. I didn't shower for a week, I had absolutely no contact with the outside world because everyone would remind me of Ethan. It came to a point where I would only eat a piece of fruit a day because I couldn't eat.

I felt like vomiting due to my grief, and there was this ball in my throat. I wanted to text Ethan again, but he wouldn't respond because he was dead. Although, I don't know why, I can imagine him texting me back.

I heard someone open the door to my bedroom. It was my mother, although I had no strength or desire to look at her.  All I wanted to do was mourn and grieve, I did not want any contact whatsoever.

"Baby..." she said. She didn't touch me, she knew that would only make me worse and would make me panic. "A package has arrived for you."

I didn't respond. Whatever that was, it could just be an order online I bought from China months ago. I closed my eyes, letting more tears run down my cheeks. My cheeks were already burning.

"I'll just leave it here."

When she closed the door, I laid on my bed for another 3 hours before getting up. I had lost 10 pounds already, and at this rate if I didn't eat anything I would become anorexic. But how? How could I eat knowing that everything was my fault?

I turned on the lights, which hurt my eyes. I complained for a second, before being able to open my eyes. My clothes were sweaty, and smelled bad. I had spent around five days in the same clothes.

My diary was on my drawer, I wrote in it everyday to try to forget Ethan. But Ethan was unforgettable, he was gone forever, and I had to live with the guilt. That was my punishment.

Day 7.

Mom came in with a package, I don't want to open it. It's probably my package from China from about three months ago. I don't want new clothes, I don't want anything... I want Ethan to come back, I need to apologize to him. This guilt is horrible.

I can't live like this.

And then I closed my diary. I stood up from my chair and looked at the time on my phone. It was 3 a.m, my sleep schedule had been altered due to my depression.

I sighed and threw my phone across the room and made it jump onto my bed. I looked around the bedroom, crying to myself. All I could think about was him, he was appearing in my mind every single second.

His smile, his laughter, his face, his eyes... It was the first time I ever loved someone, the first friend, the first kiss and lost virginity. I couldn't get over that, I couldn't....

My eyes scanned the package for a split second and saw the word 'Dolan'. My heart stopped, and I quickly grabbed the box. It was from Grayson.

I ripped it open violently, anxiously... I needed to know what was in there, what Grayson thought was so important that he had to send it to me.

The first thing that I took out was the L.A necklace Ethan had bought me the first time we ever hung out. My hands were shaking, my eyes watering as I held onto it. It had been fixed, there was tape on it.

There was also two letters. I saw one with Grayson's handwriting, since he sent me this, I thought it was important to read it.

Dear Emma,

I don't know how you might be feeling, but I guess you know how I am. I'm devastated, I'm shocked and I'm hurt and I just can't stand being in L.A. So I've done something pretty wild.

I'm moving to Canada for a fresh start. And since Ethan is gone, I've decided to delete our channel, because it would make no sense to continue it without him. Although I do have all the videos saved, if you want them I could send them to you too.

They found Ethan's killer, he was friends with your original stabber. They stole this package thinking it had something valuable in it. At least his killer is rotting in jail, but revenge isn't going to bring him back.

Any how, this was for you. Ethan told me it had something for you in hopes that it would make you change your mind.

I held the L.A necklace tightly. I loved it, I loved it so much. It made me remember Ethan a lot more, it reminded me of his goofy ways.

I took out the second letter, which had Ethan's writing. This made my heart beat so fast. I held it with shaky hands and my eyes were watering.

Hey Emma,

I have that talent of finding out other people's phone numbers that helped me become friends with you and I talked to your sister. I found out she will be staying with your mother, she will be dropping out.

I know you're mad at me for being an idiot, for not expressing my feelings correctly. I am a jerk, I am a little bitch like you told me. But, what I also am, is good at writing letters or at least I think so.

So, I thought you might forgive me if you talk to Gray. There's so much I want to tell you and so little time. But with you, time seems endless.

There's one last thing I need you to answer. It's on the back of this ticket, depending on what you answer, use it.

There was a ticket on the letter, a plane ticket... I ripped the tape off of the ticket and read it. It was a plane ride to Los Angeles in a week, and when I turned the ticket around my heart dropped.

Will you be my girlfriend?

Love you.

Twitter: Badbitchdolan
Instagram: Chriishamil

If you have any questions about Emma or anything in the book, feel free to ask me on Twitter!