How To Move

1

  I don't know why I'm writing this. It's not because I miss you, although I'd be lying if I said I didn't. It seems to me you're everywhere. I can see you, but I can't hear you and I can't touch you. Will I forget? Maybe it's best if I do.

  People tell me you're doing much better. I don't think I want to believe them. There's a small part of me that wishes you were in such pain being away you're struggling to live, but if you were you'd come back to me. You haven't come back. Maybe you are better off without me. Maybe I'm better without you. 

  I'm trying to be more honest.

  If I'm being honest, I want to say that I wish you wouldn't have left. I wish I would've stopped you.

  Part of me wishes I never would have met you.
  Was that love really worth it?

  Sarah says that in a few short years I'll have moved on. I'll be with a new man and be happy and realize that I wouldn't trade the experience with you for the world. 

  She uses the word short pretty lightly. 

  I try to write down the address you gave me, but seconds turn into an eternity and for some reason, I don't see you in mine. Not anymore.
  I put the envelope away. 

  I lied. I see you in everything including my future and that's what scares me. Do I have enough courage to let you go? Do I have enough courage to fight for you? I've never had any courage. You made the first move. Remember? 

  I don't expect you to. I expect that I am now a distant memory of yours. 

  Oh, I wish for that luxury.
  I wish more that I still had you.