thought bubbles

what's wrong?

what's wrong?

coming from you, the boy i call my best friend, this question is normal. you ask me this everytime i seem a little sad or upset, everytime i retweet a quote from that one account, and everytime i say something you know is coming from a place of sadness.

because you know me.

we have had all of those late night deep talks, and we've come to eachother when it seems we have no one else.

i've always told you that you are my best friend. i have always reminded you of how thankful i am for your existence, and how much i love having you in my life.

this sounds like a "when harry met sally" story, right?

but then there is her.

the girl you have fallen in love with. the girl you tell me about. the one you said was the one. the girl you kissed and texted me as soon as you went home, because you couldn't wait to tell me about it. that is the kind of thing you would tell a best friend.

i tell you how happy i am that you have found her. and don't get me wrong, i am so happy for you. this part is true. because i love you, and seeing you smile gives me the ability to keep breathing.

but i would be lying if i said i didnt wish i was her, beacuse i do. i wish you held me, and kissed me, and told your best friend that i was the one.

because even though it wasn't love at first sight, i've gotten to know you, your heart, and the person that you are. and though i've seen all your flaws and vulnerabilities, the sides of you that you are too ashamed to share with the world, i have fallen in love with your soul.

maybe i can't let myself be happy
because every awkward moment between us where there could've been something there, i dismiss. i emphasize the word "friend". i change the subject. i make an excuse to leave. because i can't let myself be the one to get the happy ending.

maybe i don't think i deserve someone like you.
maybe i compare myself to her, and find that i always come up short. maybe it is just easier to leave things the way they are. simple.

but the time that i sang "somewhere over the rainbow" infront of you, and you told me it was beautiful, i wanted to kiss you.

but i didnt.
maybe i shouldve.
but the saddest part is, i probably never will.
i won't tell you how i feel. because the thought of losing you is scarier than the thought of never having you.

so, "what's wrong?", you ask?
nothing. im fine. how are you?