Good ol' poems

Air

I was studying on my bed
I heard someone coming up the steps
I hurried and turned off my light
Then I closed my eyes
I knew it was you
You started talking to me thinking I was asleep
"Hey
I'm sorry for what I'm about to do
Just know I love you
I gotta do this for me
It will never end
I won't ever think of a life without you
There was never any help to send
There was never any rescue
This isn't a goodbye
But I'll just say
See you later, dude"
You kissed me on my forehead then you left
What does this mean?
Does he no longer want to be a human being?
He doesn't want to exist?
It had been five minutes before I rushed out of my bed
I ran to your house with blood rushing to my head
I looked through your living room window
Looking down at a shiny steel meant to kill but for some it was meant heal
That's when you said
"Goodbye world
Everybody said I was better off dead
Cheers."
You held your life to your head
You pulled the trigger
But you hesitated
I saw the twitch of your finger
I want to be the hesitation
The last thought before you left
The bit of air in your last breath
But you never gave me the chance to say how much I love you
I could've prevented your life's due
I could've prevented Susan losing her precious son to something like depression
Your little sister wouldn't have to grow up without her brother to protect her
I could've saved the love of my life if I had just went in there
And not watch your life disappear
This is just my side of the story, dear
Yours is something I'd love to hear