Catharsis

Wide Awake

My dreams have once again been occupied by someone against my own will, although they are clearer this time. The first two people I was just guessing, but this time like the last I know exactly who has intruded into my sleep.

I welcome her though, as I welcomed those before her. She is different though, I wake up from my dreams and begin to wonder what will happen outside of the realm of sleep.

She confuses me, I don't understand her actions towards me. I interact with her and think to myself how lucky I am to have a friend like her, but there are also times when she does something and I wonder if there might be more to our relationship. There are times when my mind wonders into places that it shouldn't, I think about whether there is an unspoken relationship between us that extends beyond friendship.

I then remind myself that I've never really had a true or even best friend, this could be completely normal for true friends. Do true friends wrap you in hugs that make you feel completely and utterly safe to the point where you wish that they were there to hug you at random moments of your everyday life? Maybe.

I guess I may never know, that's ok though. It's only my dreams that make me question these things, I've not had many of them where she appears, but the few that I have had always leave me wondering.

I wouldn't have thought that I'd become so protective of her, but here is my dream self ready to take on some guy twice my size without a second thought in order to protect her.

I've often thought about the many situations in where I would jump to defend her. The thought crossed my mind that if we were living in another era, I would happily engage in a fight to the death for her sake.

I don't think I've ever felt so completely safe and loved as I did in that moment with her tracing patterns on my leg and singing softly into my ear. I felt like If I slowed down time so that the moment never ended I would truly be happy for the rest of my days.

Nobody really ever tells you that the light in the darkness can come in the form of a human being, a single person who changes your mood in an instant and makes you forget the troubles of your life until they leave.

You begin to cling so fiercely to this newfound light, terrified that it will be gone from your life as suddenly as it came and leave you alone in the dark once again.

The dark soaked recesses of your mind begin to churn in an effort to block out the light that only seems to be drifting into every aspect of your life, parts of you try and find ways to stop you from trusting this light.

And then you realise that you should have trusted those dark recesses, they kept you safe and away from the brutal sting of reality.

That reality being that all good things come to and end, that those you dared call friend will leave you alone in the cold without so much as a second thought like so many before them.