My Hater, My Lover (Book One)

Chapter 9 - I have someone to be strong for (Miguel)

The rumors continued to spread. 

And what Eron had started just grew larger and larger by itself.

 

 "....I heard Miguel had sexually harassed another boy in his old school...."

 

 "....no way, he seemed so nice..."

"...apparently even he made that boy commit suicide...."

I sat in my seat, staring at my notes. It was silent period, and we were studying in the library. 

Charlotte had in headphone and thankfully couldn't hear any of it. 

 Robert was watching. He was frowning. He could hear what others were whispering. 

 

 I picked up my books and abruptly left. Charlotte looked startled but followed after me. Robert was already on his feet, following me.

 

 I exited the library and went straight for the courtyard. I went outside and the uncomfortable feeling in my chest got tighter. I felt trapped again, just how I had at my old school.



 "Don't listen to them. They just wanna talk sh*t about anything because their own pathetic lives suck," Robert told me.


 "What? What happened?" Charlotte asked concerned. She looked at me, with more pain in her face than I had ever seen before. 

 
 

 Robert looked uneasy at Charlotte's pain. 

 "It's nothing," he said, trying to wrap it up. He knew how fragile Charlotte was toward my pain.

I looked at Charlotte and remembered the night she opened up to be about her own pain.
 
 We were walking along the river by my house. The same river I almost threw myself in, a year before.


 We had one night stand but somehow, just remained friends. I wasn't sure if it's because I didn't express much desire to be in a relationship with her or her walls were too big to overcome. 

 

 "I like that I can walk along the river with you. I don't like going home," she said. She took another drink from her beer can. 

 I didn't want to ask, I didn't want to pry but she was talking more to herself, than me.

 

 "My dad has problems. He drinks, and he says horrible things. He doesn't hit me, but he tells me I'm not good for anything. He says no man could love someone like me. Do you think it's true?"

 

 I stop walking and I look at Charlotte. She isn't pretty, that's for sure. She's very thin and tall, almost like a model, but a model addicted to drugs. 

Hungry and alone. And so sad.

 

 "That's not true. You have this very, very kind heart. Anyone would be lucky to love you," I say, smiling at her. She is really sweet. 



 Her eyes water and she runs and wraps her skinny arms around my waist. I hold her, and breath in the smell of her hair. It smells like coconuts and flowers. 

 

 I hold her until she lets me go. We resume walking. 


"...before you came to our school, I always felt alone. Like I didn't want to come to school. But when you arrived, I felt whole again."

 I stop walking and watch her watching the river. When she said things like that, I felt I could love her wholeheartedly. Almost. The wind blew her tangled blond hair. I imagined what it could be like if we were together. Would I feel whole too?


 I snap out of my fantasy. Eron might have almost destroyed me before, but this time, I had someone else I had to be strong for. 
 
 I smile at Charlotte and rub her arm. 



We are back in the present moment, on the lawn of the school yard. 

 "It's nothing, really. The library was just getting too stuffy," I smile, and she smiles back. She wants to believe everything is alright.

She needs everything to be alright. 

If only I could have been stronger. But I failed her. Maybe she was down deeper than I could have imagined.