My Hater, My Lover (Book One)

Chapter 11 - I hated you despite myself (Eron)

Despite all the special treatment I always got, I never really had anyone that I really liked, like that. People just all sorta seemed the same to me.

I was standing in the field outside of the school, for the first day of school's orientation, when I did see that person, though. Life is unexpecting, sometimes.

I had my newly made friends, Tesha, George Yangli and Ryan, around me.

They kept asking me about what my hobbies were, what my favorite movie was, what kind of food I liked to eat. They were all from well to do families, it was obvious. But money can't buy you looks. At least real looks. I could understand why they fawned over me. I wasn't blind, I had eyes too. I knew I looked good, I saw myself in the mirror too. 

 It was all starting to get boring. I wanted more. I wanted someone whom I could look at, with the same eyes of wonderment that others looked at me.

I stared around lazily, looking from student to student, until my eyes fell upon a student a bit different from the others.

 He clearly didn't belong here. He stood out awkwardly, like he wasn't good at making friends. A loser, obviously from a poor family. His uniform was new but his shoes were old, and his school bag was ratty.

He had acne on his face, and thick black hair, with tanned olive skin. 

He looked exotic, with his otherworldly appearance, different from the pale faces of the privileged kids.

I stared longer, curious. 

If I looked past the acne, I was struck by how naturally attractive he was. Not quite handsome or good-looking, per say, but he had a natural air of good character about him.

He looked like a genuinely good person. Like someone filled with light, in contrast to the darkness inside me.

 He looked around awkwardly before his eyes locked with me. He continued to stare, even when others would have already looked away.

That struck me immediately, that confidence. I liked it, it was attractive, it was exciting. I continued to stare, I wanted to keep looking at him.

He continued to stare, unafraid. Why was he staring so long? ....Was it that he was attracted to me, the way I was to him? My heart started to race with excitement. I was excited to think that that boy might like me.

 Faggot.....I heard my father's words in my head, suddenly. My joy immediately crashed and burned.

My face must have changed, because I saw him look suddenly uncomfortable and he looked away. My heart fell.

Maybe he thought I was gay. Maybe he was disgusted by how long I looked at him, how shamelessly I had looked at him. I had taken for granted how others fawned over me, that I had over estimated myself.

I felt embarrassed and angry at myself. I felt torn between wanting him and hating him, because in that moment that he pulled away from my glance, I knew my father was right about me. I was gay.

 I hated and wanted this boy despite myself.