Blackout [lashton]

Chapter 7

When Luke woke up, the first thing he saw were Ashton's closed eyes. He resisted the urge to run away like he had before. He rememebered everything last night, and it hurt him to not have kissed Ashton. Because he was Luke, and all Luke ever wanted was to be close to Ashton, touching Ashton, kissing Ashton. All he wanted was Ashton. Luke knew that he wasen't supposed to like boys, like that time freshman year.

He had come home and told his mom he liked the new boy in his music theory class, the one with the curly hair, bandana, and who played the drums. And his mom had gotten angry and said 'no son of hers is gay!'. So Luke had said that it was actually a girl named Ashlyn. His mom had then said "she sounds lovely," which really confused luke. Why did his crushes gender matter? It really hurt Luke, and he tried his hardest to be straight by bullying gay people, but he knew that he should have been bullying hisself, so he would cut his thighs, but never his wrists.

And now the boy that he had a crush on those 4 long years ago was curled up next to him, sleeping softly, hugging Luke tightly, making Luke want to take back those 4 years of bullying Ashton just so he could touch the cute drummer with bandanas.

How did Ashton forgive him so quickly? Luke would have strangled himself if he had been that mean. Ashton, however, just was sad and tired, but didn't hate Luke.

Luke felt Ashton start to wake up next to him, and Luke quickly pretended to fall asleep, watching through squinting eyes. Ashton leaned over and Luke noticed that he was shaking. Ashton looked terrified as he got closer and closer to Luke until their lips were almost touching. Luke wanted to reach forward and close the space, but he stayed still to see what Ashton would do.

"I- I love-" Ashton whispered, voice catching before finishing. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Luke's, causing Luke's stomach to drop.

Luke couldn't take pretending to be asleep anymore. He arched his back and snapped open his eyes before moving his hands to behind Ashton's head. Ashton drew away quickly, staring at him with wide eyes.

"You- you were awake?" He whispered. "I- I'm- I have to go." Ashton lept out of the couch, putting on his shoes and running out the door.

Luke honestly wanted to die. He felt like he had just come off the best high of his life, and now his entire body ached for Ashton. Ashton was like a drug to him; when Luke got a little, all he wanted was more. So Luke ran out of the room, shoes on, when tyler stopped him.

"here's your check." Tyler handed him a check for 1900 dollars. "I hope you know it gets so much better. Keep the pills. My treat."

Luke nodded and ran out the door and didn't stop running until he got to the bank, where he deposited the money, and then to the Walgreens. A different girl was working today, this one was about 50 and had black hair.

Luke grabbed a pencil sharpener and a bottle of wine. He handed them to the cashier, along with his license.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you're only 19." The lady smiled and handing it back. "But I'll ring up the sharpener."

Stupid American laws, Luke thought.

"Sorry, the drinking age in Australia is different." Luke blushed furiously and handed her a dollar.

"It's okay, sweetie." She handed him the sharpener, and he turned to leave. "And kid? don't hurt yourself. I had a daughter who did the same with her razor she used to shave her legs."

Luke nodded and ran down the street until he got to a stoplight. He looked into a window of a pizza store and saw Ashton smiling and eating with Michael and Calum. Ashton turned at saw Luke standing in the window, mouth slightly open, hands dropped to his side, with his eyes slightly watering. Then, Luke ran away from the window.

Luke ran up to his room and grabbed a pencil before running in the bathroom and slamming the door shut. He slid down the wall and used the pencil to force the razor out of the sharpener. After pulling off his jeans, he realized that his skinny legs were too full of thin white scars, but he pressed the blade to his left thigh again. The little silver blade refused to give him relief, so he pulled down his sleeve and stared at his unmarked wrist.

He had always known that one day he may cut his wrist, but he wasen't that sure when or what the reason might be, but maybe now he would find out. So he pressed the blade into his skin, and gasped at how good it felt. And with every small cut, it became clearer and clearer.

"Luke!" The door swung open. Luke had obviously forgotten to lock it, and Ashton ran in to the blond boy crying against a wall, arms cut, with blood rushing everywhere.

Ashton ignored the blood and grabbed Luke's arm. 3 cuts, and the way it looked, he was going for another with a razor. Ashton felt like crying. This was his fault!

He wrapped his arms around Luke and whispered, "please don't hurt yourself ever again."

Luke didn't respond, but more tears started to fall. Ashton glanced down at Luke's legs to see tens, maybe even hundreds of pale white scars. Ashton yanked Luke over to the bathtub and washed off the blood before grabbing a pack of band aids and putting one on each cut.

He could tell that Luke was tired, so he used all of his strength to tell Luke to please just stand up with him. Luke complied and Ashton helped him over to his bed, where he took off Luke's shirt and noticed that Luke had goosebumps and was shivering. Ashton grabbed the nyu sweatshirt his mom had gotten him and helped Luke put it on. Luke's boxers didn't have any blood on them, so he could stay in those.

"I wanna stay in your bed." Luke muttered. "Please."

Ashton froze momentaraly, but nodded and helped Luke into his bed. Then, he quickly cleaned up the blood and washed off the razor, staring at the little device with curiosity before hiding it with his clothes. He threw the towel that he used to clean the blood away and climbed into bed with Luke, trying to wrap his arms around him. Luke laughed softly and flipped around to face Ashton.

"That's my job." Luke mumbled, sliding his hands behind Ashton's head and drawing him closer and closer.

Ashton couldn't stand any more of this almost kissing, so he leaned forward and pressed his lips into Luke's, causing a gasp from Luke. Ashton grabbed the back of Luke's head, and Luke pulled Ashton in closer so that their entire bodies were touching, and Ashton felt like he was literally on fire.

Ashton was trying to think everything through. Kissing was much more difficult than it appeared to be in the movies.

Luke, on the other hand, couldn't silence the voice in his brain that kept repeating what his mom had said. "No son of mine is gay!" But it felt so good and just so right to kiss Ashton.

And that's when Luke realized what the reason for cutting was.

It was Ashton. Ashton was always the reason.

~~~
HOLY SHIT I love this chapter so much.

Also did anyone else notice that they finally kissed ;)

Anyway I'm going to have them go to Spain soon but something big will happen before then.

Ily!