Dipsomaniac

Chapter 5~Jar of Hearts

A/N I know this is way overdue but I hope you enjoy. I'm going on a vacation for a month starting April 28th so I won't be uploading anything for a while after this chapter. ENJOY SWEETS.

|Chapter 5|* Jar of Hearts*|

Now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?

Runnin’ around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of heart

And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don’t come back for me.

Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri (Glee-Rachael Cover)

 Arielle's P.O.V

“So.”

“So Miss Dawson how was your weekend?” she asked me and I stared everywhere and at everything in this claustrophobic room except for her eyes.

“The same.” I stick with little words because I don’t think this is going to go anywhere.

Leaning forward she placed her elbows on the black table, clasped her hands together and narrowed her eyes at me.

“Tell me a bit more Arielle? We can spend every session just staring at everything or we can actually talk. It’s been two weeks and you are still as closed off as you were in the beginning. You need to talk to me.”

It was true, it had been two weeks. Two weeks since the night of the party where I actually decided to trust one person only to get screwed up again. It had been two weeks since I saw that person. No apology, no confrontations. He just disappeared like the snow that comes and goes as mother nature wishes. But I didn’t care about that anymore. I had more important things in my life.

“I’m dead alright?” I said exasperated.

“I’m dead and I’m alive but I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be there. I just need serenity. I just need peace. I just need…I need love and I need my dad. God, I need my dad so so so much.”

I paused for a slight second and my breath was hitching and the words were flowing out of my mouth. All the thoughts that I kept bottled up were finally free and I was crying and I was crying so much that the whole room turned into an ocean.  I continued to sob.

“And all I can hear is his voice at the back of my mind and everything is a blur after that. I feel like I’m falling and I’m falling and I continue to fall and there’s no one there and there’s nothing there that can save me and I’m drowning in an ocean full of cold water but I don’t know how to swim. I can’t swim and I can’t rise. I’m shrinking and I’m disappearing and there’s nothing and no one for me and I just can’t.”

I closed my eyes and desperately tried not to feel so so low. But I’m already feeling it, I’m already feeling this despair- this misery and it’s drowning me, it’s taking my life apart and I’m letting it. Because I just want to disappear, just for a moment, I just want to disappear.

I heard her heels click against the floor, I felt her cold fingers tug on mine pushing them away from my face.

She crouched in front of me begging me to look at her.

“Arielle, you’re strong. You have so much to live for. You have so many people who love you and so many people you love. You can’t think about ending your life. Not now not ever. Be strong for the person who loved you the most. He would want you to live. And he would want you to live to your potential. So if not for yourself, live for him.”