Rantings of a Broken One-Sided Love Affair

A broken heart... or not?

Hey.

I mean, where do I start? I don't know if you'll even read this, or even take a small peek. Heck, I don't even know if you'll finish a sentence I write. I don't know if you look at me the way I look at you. And I don't even know if you know this is you.

I've been thinking I'm getting hints from you, bits and pieces like puzzle I need to put together. I don't want to put a meaning on it. All the things I love, given to me at random times, makes my heart beat faster. You know I want it. You know I love it. I catch you not being able to look me straight in the eye. You don't even look at me, but I badly want you to. I want you to be able to see me the way I see you.

Why does it have to be this way? It hurts my chest keeping this in me for a long time now. I tried my best to avoid everything that will remind me of you, but fate always has a way to bring me back to you.

I still have my morals with me and I can't let it go just like that. I know you have yours too. But why avoid me? Why does it hurt so much when you stay away from me? I want to talk, but you always find a way not to.

It hurts me so bad not being able to show you how everything you do means so much to me, and how my status prevents me from doing so. Everyday, being with you is a struggle. Everyday, I keep feeling this emotions deeper and deeper, and I don't want it. I don't want it anymore. It corrupts my very soul.

I hate you, and love you at the same time. I wanna stay, but I need to go. I have to find my peace somewhere. I need to find myself. I can't manage to get lost in your eyes or find a place in your heart and you're not even looking. I don't deserve it. I won't recover from this feeling.

I wanna say that you can't find another woman like me. Hell, maybe you won't even try. I don't want to experience your love, I might not be able to let go. So I'd rather leave while I'm still not in too deep.

I wanna let you go, but I can't. I want you to stay right here, but I'd rather let you go because it's already so depressing. It doesn't make me feel happy. This is so sad. I know this is love, but I don't want it. It's slowly killing my morals.

I love you, I hate you, I want to let you go, but I just can't. See you soon? But before I fall way overboard, I'd say goodbye and find my peace away from you, away from your confusing actions that keeps my heart hoping for your love and crave for your attention.

Yeah. You got me.