Rantings of a Broken One-Sided Love Affair

I Still Want You

Hey, you.

Do you still follow? Did you even take a glimpse of everything I wrote? I want you to read every single thing that my shattered heart pours out in this tiny little letter, and hope that someday you'll be able to return all my love.

But this is wrong. I know this is wrong. But maybe I'll be able to accept this even more if you just tell me how you feel. Or maybe I just have to move on and tell myself that it's better this way, and I'm on the right track.

My poor heart wants to jump out of its chest to you, and I've come to the point where even tiny details matter. Why do you keep doing that? It's hard for me to let go of you this way. Do you do it on purpose? Or I'm just really crazy now, beyond control?

I keep seeing you, you keep capturing my heart. I keep hoping and praying things will get better, and I keep praying everday to be closer to you. Why does it have to run this deep? I can't take it, I'm going out of my mind, I wanna run into your arms and bury myself in you.

This is crazy. I wanna feel you against me. Friends tell me that I did the right thing, but my heart is shouting otherwise. Funny how I know myself that I'm going loco, but still my heart tells me I'm not. If you can just hear how my heart and my mind contradicts each other, on how they perceive things from a logical versus an emotional stand point, you'll have the tiniest idea of what I face everyday. How my heart and my mind debates about what is immoral and what is humane and morally accepted by people, how one is being judged simply by the choices they make, each day is a battle. And I'm a mess. I'm a complete mess.

But no, I'm not always like this. I got tons of people tell me they like me. They tell me that I am something that's worth. Can you not see that? Oh, wait, let me scratch that, do you always turn a blind eye to every single thing I say or do?

I tell my friends to let go of a love that doesn't make them feel happy anymore. Same could be applied to me, but how can I let go of something when it hasn't even started yet?

Help me let go of you. I admit, I am so in love with you right now, and I don't know where to go. I don't wanna let you go. Please be mine.

You got me and my heart. Let me go. Help me let you go.

I need my peace.