Worth

I sat next to Asher my boyfriend.I had my arms wrapped around this upper body while he held my waist.We were watching ER.Ir reminded me of being in the hospital."harmony...HARMONY WHAT HAPPENED" they screamed.My vision was blurred but i was still able to see myself covered in large splotches of red."YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF" they screamed.why they were screaming i dont know.That whole night was a blur.But all i know is that i will never be the same.Suddenly Asher pulled me closer,slightly shaking me causing me to get out of my flashback.

"Are you okay love?"he said.His voice was one of the things i looked forward to.It soothe me.

"shouldnt you get home now" i said thinking about my pills i had taken them an hour before he arrived.He glanced at his phone which was in my lap.

"I should".i hated asking him to go.But if he doesnt he could be killed.He doesnt know that though.He kissed me on my cheek creating a warm happy feeling in the air."Bye" he said as he walked out smiling.I listened as he walked out of my house and into his car.I got up and went to my desk and grabbed my journal.Doctor Taylor says to journal in it everyday so he can keep up with my thoughts.I started flipping through the pages till i came across a blank page to start writing.On the way,i breifly read the pages i was flipping through.Words that flashed at me were "death" blood"tears"happy""food"life"razor".I sighed and began to write.

Dear Diary:

today Ash came over and i had more flashbacks about days at the hospital.I still dont know what happened.I only know what doctor Taylor told me.I told ash to go home in fear that he might get hurt.Today at school i had no outburst of sudden emotion and i only took my pills once.i feel like im gettin be-"

"HARMONY FIELDS YOU WILL BE NOTHING.I WOULD RATHER BURN IN HELL THAN TO LIVE WITH YOU AS A DAUGHTER.YOU DRIVE ME INSANE"

I screamed."i hate YOU TOO YOU FUCKER.i got up and started knocking everything off my dresser tops and hitting and kicking everything as if they were a human trying to harm me.But it was just an inanimate object.My foot was bruised and my hands were as red as the blood that coursed through them but they werent bleeding.I was screaming.Just screaming as if i was in danger.But i wasn't.I didnt know what was going on.I thought "why am i doing this harmony STOP" But i had no control of my arms or legs or my body.Then i started crying.i fell to the ground,my body landing on everything i had knocked down.I felt liquid on my arms and legs but when i looked it was blood.blood that stained my carpets everyday.Blood i was forced to clean with bleach every time this happened

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD"I screamed grabbing the glass that had cut me and slitting my wrist with no second thoughts.i got up and walked out of my room into the hallway,baring the severe pain. i was creating a trail of blood with every step i took.i turned into my parents bedroom and look at the bed.Flashbacks of my mom coming at me with knifes and guns and even glass came to mind.then i saw Her.I grabbed a vase of their dresser and threw it at the headboard.She laughed

"IS THIS WHAT YOU FUCKING WANTED TO HAPPEN"I screamed."You DEMONIC BITCH"I looked in the mirror across the room and looked at myself.i looked like i was in a car crash in a truck full of bedroom furniture,with blood cutting almost every inch of my hands and legs.My hands and legs were coated in blood as if i showered in it .I looked back at the bed and She was gone.I walked toward the mirror.I looked closer into it.My face was inches away from it when She popped into the mirror."Bye bitch" The mirror shattered toward me and cut my face.the frame of it fell forward on top of me crushing me.It pushed deep glass in my cuts deeper.

"Your not worth it"