The World Through My Eyes: Poems, Short Stories, and Journals

Misery (Short Story)

***********************Trigger Warning********************
This personal story shows and mentions self-harm, please be aware.

Damn. Walking down the hallway, people staring and remarking about the person in front of them. Holding back my tears as I take one more step. All I can say to myself in my crippling mind, just one more step... As I make it into the classroom, stumbling on my dragging feet beneath me. Barely making my way to my desk, the paranoia creeping into my thoughts. She must be laughing at me... I just can't anymore... not right now... Sitting down at the desk at the back of the room, just so I can assure that nobody looks in my direction. Wearing long sleeves to hide my guilt and stinging pain. The rumor about me being a dyke has to be spreading about the school... My legs start to shake and my head is spinning in circles, due to the anxiety of me being around the people that judge me. The environment around me gets louder and louder with every person in the room talking over the other. This is too much... I'm done...
I stand up from my cold desk seat and start to make the run for the door before the bell rings throughout the halls. My first step into the restroom was quiet in the deafening area. The last stall was open to my leisure. Suddenly, the bell uproars in the bustling stalls and the chilled halls. Slamming down onto the floor, the tears burst forth like the water of a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look at the window as if the subtle light could soothe me. There is static in my head once more, the side effect of constant fear, constant stress I bring upon myself. Pulling out the item that prods into my thigh, I look down to see what the mess has become. An emotionally weak person, who takes everything to heart, and a wreck of a young teenage girl. Putting the stainless steel blade upon the horizontal veins of my arm, this one would finish the job if deep enough. This shall be the end... I love you, Mac...
The sounds of clicking high heels enter the restroom with booming echoes off the walls. She picks the stall furthest from me, my anxiety is skyrocketing throughout my numb body. I wait patiently until she leaves, every breath that I take is shallow and quiet, not trying to catch in the shameful act. Two steps closer, she stops in front of my stall. Her voice was heavenly and blissful to hear. Her words to me, "One day, you will overcome this sadness. You will find yourself. You hear?" I swallow hard to let her know that I heard her. Her heels clicking away from me until I couldn't hear them from the stall. With all of the strength I could bear, I tossed the blade into the toilet. I had to discard the thing that was bringing me pain.
Ever since that day, my life has changed for good. I yearn to look for the good in other people, from helping the elderly woman put her groceries into her vehicle to donating their money to the homeless veteran on the corner. The happiness that I found is the feeling that bursts into my soul whenever I volunteer to help other people. My mind and soul have found a balance in this corrupt world. I try to help one person a day, to send love and positivity.