I am Jonathan Morgenstern.

You Should Have Loved Me

(Listen to Drown by Bring Me The Horizon for this chapter)

Jonathan woke to the sound of cheery bird song and rolled his eyes. How ironic, that the countryside so peaceful and full of wonder would be home to the monsters people seem to have forgotten existed. There were tales of rogue werewolves, demonically possessed murderers and poltergeists; but what of fellow Shadowhunters? Were their greatest enemies not in fact themselves? Their own greed and willingness to sacrifice everything in order to fulfill the unreachable, no matter the cost? And for what? The riches they had wouldn't save them from suffering. In the end no one is saved. Some lucky few are not left to face it alone, but none can be pulled back from the arms of the swirling darkness, threatening to encase them. People spoke of the afterlife with wide and self assured smiles on their faces. They dreamt of golden gates and eternal paradise for all the good they had done. Jonathan wasn't going to that place. He wasn't good enough, he never had been. His own mother had vanished and his father hated the monster he had created.
Well, it takes one to make one. But the point was, he had no love. It's not that he never craved affection, he certainly did. It was as if his life were an abyss and he was continuously falling through pitch black smoke, struggling to breathe. No one saw him. No one cared. Not even he minded anymore. Or at least that's what he forced his twisted mind to believe. He was shattered and each piece of his once beating heart was strewn into various memories that took that life from him and left his heart still and cold. Jonathan started to pack, throwing clothes and weapons into a bag. He kept to the bare minimum, then reaching into his pillow case he pulled out his stash of money, acquired by means his mother would've been appalled by. She wasn't here though. She was out there and he was going to find her. Taking out the photo of the pair when he was young he traced it gently and whispered under his chilling breath; "You should have stayed with me. You should have loved me."