The True Bond

Self loathing

Erica's POV

You know what is the best way to earn isolation in a house where no one even knows the meaning of it? music. Slow piano ballads and acoustic guitars make their way into my dainty heart as I read Metamorphosis. 

 "Why are you still awake?" I turn back to see Evan standing near the door of my room with a confused look .

"Why are you still up too?"

 "Well I was just going to get some milk and then sleep and by the way, you could have just said awake, not up" .

See this is the reason why I want to live alone.

 I glared at him and said "who died and made you the king of dictionary?".

 He started laughing and said "Who died and made you lactose intolerant so that you can never enjoy milk like I do?"

 "touche huh"

He shrugs and then his face expressions change from laughing to seriousness and he asks me "hey can i ask something?"

"Sure, go ahead"

 "Did you ever attend a pride rally or something ?Like I know there were some rallies last year " 

 "Yeah I remember I attended one sometime back with my friend"

 "Oh okay, did mum allow for it? "

I pondered a little bit over this and tried to think exactly what her reaction was. We have a conservative house, and although no one is homophobic, the idea of being homosexual is a taboo at our place. And I don't remember if she ever talked to us about any of this, "She wasn't in support but didn't stop me and I  would have been pissed if she stopped me cause I support LGBTQ community. "

 A smile made a way to his face and he said a good bye and went away. 

What was this all about? 

The next morning i woke up quite refreshed. I had to  audition for the singing competition today and I am totally thinking of going all nostalgic and singing a one direction slow song.  I think  'I wanna write you a song 'may work or even 'infinity'.

I just hope Will listens to me , I don't know if he likes music or anything.It's not like I am trying to 'swoon' him with my not existing singing skills but having him listen to me or even pay a little attention... makes me feel good you know? Like things are possible now when they weren't before. 

But of course he jacks up my stage fright to a level that seems impossible but I cope with it somehow. Don't we all? 

 I stomped down the stairs wearing my backpack and  guitar and asked mum if she could drop me today .

"So how is school?" Mum asked me breaking the silence between us in her car.

"it's going good, Nothing out of ordinary happened"

"Stop using your phone for sometime and why are you smiling so much "

 Memes? Cat videos? Reddit? Book memes? Who can guess?

 " Well nothing , like this only " , she dropped the topic there only and dropped me too.

School was looking like a fish market today. Everyone was up with singing , dancing or anything else because of the auditions that were coming up. 

My interest in this all is really minimal. Never really went through that whole 'I wanna join a band' thing but then I and Ish took guitar lessons last years and prepared some songs on it. She left  it when school started but I got into it and soon enough, began singing too. And Ish literally dragged me to take part in all of this from then.

And speak of the.... angel and she comes, I see Ish coming down the hallway , smiling as she saw me.

"Hey " I said to her, she looks back at me and smiles again .

 "hey ! So I see someone brought her guitar today?"

 "Um yeah she did" 

We both kept talking about stuff happening at school when I noticed Zach coming towards us, he is Will's best friend so.. I kinda knew him .

"Hey girls!",I notice the way Ish was smiling at him..... oh another crush.

 But literally, Zach isn't her type....... She should understand it. It's like she did listen to me but still chose the wrong guy.

"Hey , how are yaa ?" She asked when I didn't reply to Zach.

 "I'm great, hey do you have the tunes for the group signing of this year?I'm in charge of the music system so I have to save them. " Zach is a' cut to the point' kind of person I think. 

"Oh, I'm afraid I don't but four out of seven tunes are with Erica ", Ish answered pointing at me and that's when I noticed I was lost in my own little world.

"Oh, okay i don't think Erica will mind giving them" 

" Yeah sure, just give me your email address and it will be done" 

 A smile crossed his face and he nodded and said that he will give it soon enough.

 And that's when he arrived to meet Zach and I just froze, I'm so conscious in front of him that I think anything that I will do will just make him ..... think i'm so ordinary more and more. He was just going to say something when his sister came there.

And trust me, she a goddess. 

Let's just say that being around Will or anyone related to him just levels up my self loathing .

 "Where is Presley ?" I heard and examined her as she was talking to him .I think Will will(mwahahha) definitely want someone more beautiful than her sister and that's not gonna be me, like I even have a chance. 

Clare has curly brown locks with heavenly volume in them whereas my hair are just somewhere in between wavy and straight with no volume at all. She  is lean figured whereas I'm curvy . I hate my curves sometimes, they make me look old in my opinion.

 I was so busy comparing myself to her that I didn't even notice Will looking at me. 

"Hey Erica" He said and all the blood that was there in my body just tinted my cheeks to a pinkish color .

 I managed to say a small hey with a smile and then Zach took him somewhere else but shouted at me before going "Hey Erica don't forget the tunes " 

I just did a nod and noticed that Ish is actually gone . I heard my phone vibrate so I opened it and saw a message by Ish saying that she had some work so she left.

The rest of the day went by like a blur. I spent most of the night reading metamorphosis and then watched some Gilmore girls for a change.

I closed it a point and stared at the ceiling.

 Maybe I should drop my feelings, maybe I should ignore him or just think about bad things about him but nothing works .

I have thought about this all thousand of times but at last,the heart wants what it wants.

Hey friends,

I hope you all are enjoying the story so far. Some of you may say that this chapter was not that needed in the story and does not progress the story well but i wanted everyone to have a little insight to Erica's mind and how her crippling self doubt and loathing plays a big part in the story as well.
Love ,
Monxxxx