Is This What Being Loved Feels Like

Why Do I Keep Waking Up

Authors note: I started writing this just for fun, but I just got a notification that someone voted for it and I kinda feel bad that I didn't ever bother to write a second part for you guys. So I decided that I'm gonna do my best to finish this entire story. Enjoy:)

From the moment I stepped into this school, I hated it. A place where we have to spend 7 hours working only to go home and work some more. Maybe it's your crush or your homework that actually brings you to fucking hell but for me it's life in general. Me being the average 17 year old emo dressing, guyliner wearing highschooler, I'm a pretty good magnet for bullies, especially - Gerards train of thought was interrupted by a sharp pain in the face as he walked through the front door. Gerard fell and felt the cold floor on his face. He turned around and saw, standing over him, was Bert, the highschool bully. "Hey there faggot!" Bert said as he took Gerard by the collar and held him up to the locker. Gerard tried to get away but Berts grip was to strong " What's wrong faggot? You wanna run away? To who, you have no one"

"Fuck you" Gerard spat.

Gerard felt another cold hit to the face as the first bell rang.  Bert dropped him and left with his friends to class. Gerard didn't think much of it, Bert was right, Gerard didn't have any friends, he was a loner and was always gonna be a loner. Gerard got up and hurried to his class where Mr. Urie was taking attendance.

"Welcome Mr. Way, late again I see?"

Gerard didn't say a word, he just walked in and sat at his usual spot at the back of the class. He took out his sketch book and started doodling, he was trying something new, something bloody, he began with a murder scene but made it go on to look like a Bucher shop, where they hunt people instead of animals. Gerard felt a thump at the desk next to him but didn't bother to look up.

"Gees, what happened to you?"

Gerard turned to the direction to where the voice was coming from and saw what he waited everyday to see. Frank Iero, the most fucking gorgeous man he's ever seen, he's only 17 but his arms were practically covered with ink, he has some peircings, mostly on his ears and he was the love of Gerards life. He was one of the only reasons Gerard even got out of bed everyday.

"Oh you know, just had a fight with the door on the way here"

Gerard knew that everyone knew about the beatings from Bert but it always sounded more interesting if he made up a story about it instead.

"Wow, what did you do to the door?" Frank said, his eyes glimmering.

"I touched his handle without permission" Gerard said covering his mouth as if he just told Frank that he just killed the president.

"Ugh how could you?!?" Frank said in the most dramatic way possible.

The class was beginning so they both shut their mouths. Gerard always had a crush on Frank, and always wanted to ask him out. But Gerard knew that Frank was straight and they would never be together, but Gerard could always dream. The two of them got along well enough, they liked the same things and acted the same way, they had a good enough friendship. Gerard always wanted more from it though but he enjoyed Frank's company as a friend. Actually he enjoyed most things about Frank, especially his parents. Frank had the best life ever, his parents were still together and they were cool, he got hugs and kisses when he got home everyday, family bonding moments, gifts during Christmas, and he was even able to be in the same room as his parents without any fighting. His life was perfect. Other than Gerard, whos parents were separated. His mom, who was the nicest, got custody of his brother Mikey and his dad, who was the drunk ass always sitting on the couch, got custody of him. God he hated his dad, he was so abusive towards Gerard, throwing things at him, beating him. He hated it, but he knew that it was for the best. He rather have Mikey be safe and sound than put in a place of misery like Gerard. It always made him wonder though, how was Mikeys life at home. He still talked to Mom alot, but it was always a thought to him. The class was nearing to an end and Gerard couldn't help but think how happy Frank might be and how lucky he is to be able to have such a great family. Gerards thoughts were shattered when he heard the earpeircing sound of the bell. He hurried out thr classroom but an arm grabbed his shoulder before he could escape to lunch. It was Frank.

"Hey, I kinda wanna watch that new horror movie that's coming out tomorrow, wanna join"

Gerard was confused. He had never really been invited to anything before so he didn't really know what to say.

"Uhhhhh"

"Please I really don't wanna go alone"

Ugh those eyes.

"Ya, okay"

"Yes! After school tomorrow?"

"Okay"

"Kay, see ya then"

And that was it. Frank just walked away. Gerard couldn't help but feel awkward about the fact that he couldn't give a straight yes or no answer to someone without stuttering. "Okay" he said to himself as he slithered through the crowd to get to lunch before Bert could find him. He wasn't in the mood for a second beating. When he got to an empty part of the school he sighed and slowed his pace. He kept walking past the lesbian druggies as he saw someone wave to him. It was Lindsey ballato. A friend from middle school that ditched Gerard because she thought he was crushing on her. Little did she know that Gerard was very much not. He was very gay. Gerard barely even smiled at the kinda ish greeting as he turned the corner and headed into the cafeteria. He went and sat at his own table, the loner table. He didn't bother getting food because he always saw himself as fat and non-deserving so he just sat there and doodled. He hadn't looked up until he felt a peice of rolled up paper hit his head. He looked up and all he saw was Bert snickering and bickering with his fuckboy group.

"Hey fag, watcha doing, writing love letters"

By now everyone was watching Gerard, which really striked his anxiety, all eyes were on Gerard and Bert, all eyes were watching at what Bert was gonna do, including Frank eyes.

"Hey fag, who you staring at huh? Loners don't have friends remember fag, why don't you just go slit your wrists you fucker, no one wants you"

He was right. No one wanted Gerard. And with that Gerard took his backpack and left to the washroom, which was his usual self harm spot. Gerard closed the last stall door and took out the box of razor blades he stashed in his bag. He took one out and took of the safety wrapper. He took the sharp blade and pressed it into his skin. Gerard felt the metal glide, he thought it felt good. His cuts were deep enough to bleed, but not deep enough to kill him yet. He heard the bathroom door open and close and assumed it's just some other geek hiding from the bullies.  Gerard cut some more, 5 times, 6 times. He watched the blood drip to the floor and bathed in the pain of his self harm.  He stopped when he realized that the doors never opened and closed again. Who ever entered the bathroom was still here. It couldn't be Bert, he would've said something by now. Gerard took the razor and shoved it back in his bag and used the toilet paper to clean himself up. When he was done he opened the door and was surprised to see Frank waiting for him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see if you were ok"

"Well I'm fine, just neaded some alone time"

Gerard started washing his hands so that he seemed more sanitary. He felt Franks eyes look at his wrists. He knew that Frank knew. But Frank didn't say anything.

"Okay, I'll text you"

And with that he left. Fuck, what the fuck is up  with him leaving like that, Gerard thought. Gerard didn't feel like staying for the rest of the day, so he left. He left and took a path to an old abandoned park where he liked to chill sometimes. It was far away from all the people, and it was quiet, so quiet you can hear the rabbits running on the snow. ( It's like December in some cold, light snowy ish province/state. Sorry I'm Canadian. I'll figure it out soon). It was kinda chilly, Gerard only had a light jacket on but he didn't mind. He just enjoyed the silence. He enjoyed it for as long as possible.