here and there

epilogue

After Mafumafu leaves his apartment the morning after the man ends their...arrangement, Soraru immediately does three things once he wakes up:

    1. He dresses himself.

    2. He slides Mafu's note gently into his pocket, after studying it for a few minutes.

    3. He makes the bed.

After he does all of that, he leaves, walking up the stairs to his own apartment. He plops down on his couch. He sighs. He runs his hands through his hair.

"I really messed up, didn't I..." he murmurs to himself, with a bitter laugh.

He spends the day working, finishing the mixes to songs he was asked to help with, along with spontaneously deciding to start recording a new song cover. Though he makes himself busy, his thoughts still stray to Mafumafu anyway, and sometimes he'd find himself halfway through a song without even realizing, head filled with never ending questions.

Why did Mafu want to end it so suddenly? Was it something he did? What was Mafu thanking him for? Was he making Mafu unhappy? Would they be able to stay as friends after this?

He tries to convince himself, that being friends is just fine. He tries to tell himself, that it's fine if everything Soraru felt while brushing his lips against Mafu's skin was one sided. It doesn't matter if whatever they had was nothing but simply a way to make each other feel good for a while. It doesn't matter if Mafu never intended to make whatever they had last. It's Soraru's fault for falling for Mafu anyways. They had both known, didn't they? That this wasn't permanent?

Soraru has sung a lot of sad love songs, but this is the first time he's felt heartbreak.

***

He glances at the time, noticing it's already almost four pm.

I wonder if he's eaten yet, he thinks to himself, and before he knows it, he's already typed out a message to Mafumafu.

Have you eaten? Let's eat lunch.

He erases the message, typing out a new one, only to erase that one too. He types about five more messages, ranging from "We need to talk" to casual invitations only to have them all erased. He ends up typing the first message again, inwardly berating himself for being so indecisive about a simple text.

He spends a good few minutes staring at the message before forcing himself to hit send. Maybe it'll be better to just act normal. Mafumafu's replies tended to either come one minute or one hour after Soraru messages him, so he puts his phone aside, going back to work.

He checks his phone a few minutes later, only to see that the man had read his message but decided not to respond.

***

They don't talk for awhile. They're forced to talk though, when Urata and Sakata end up inviting them out to eat.

They're the first ones to show up. Soraru easily spots Mafu, who's standing outside the restaurant, on his phone. Just the sight of him already makes Soraru's heart ache, but he can't say he isn't glad to see the other.

"Hey," he greets quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets, causing the other's head to snap up, eyes wide.

"Ah...hey, Soraru-san," the man responds, gaze quickly flickering away from his gaze. He begins to fiddle with his hands, obviously uncomfortable.